I reached the realization that failure is the natural state of the world. Whenever you are learning something you always start with failure, why do we expect to perform that task perfectly when that is basically a miracle.
It is part of the confusion that goes with your abuse, whenever you punish someone for the normal or good situations you create confusion in that persons mind. So now we resist the normal outcome of our actions, which in becomes an emotional blockage that slows you down or disables you.
If honesty is the way you start your mental recovery process, being necessary for the end of your denial as well as getting you more accurate feedback on what skills you need to put your time and energy in. The way you end your recovery process is through normalizing failure. Because your emotional pain is caused by loss the way you are going to stop the loss is through acquiring new skills and the process of skills acquisition requires failure.
If in the past when you worked at acquiring a skill you were focused on success, this made the work that you needed to put in to that skill hard and viciously painful. By putting your attention on how many times do you have to fail before you reached success not only is going to remove all your emotional blockages, but is also going to make you happy because you realize that you haven't deviated from the course, you are actually right on track.
My definition of success is:
Success is the distillation of reality through failure.
Think about it, if in order to be successful you have to know what works, because when you truly know something is almost impossible to don't practice it. And the way you really determine what reality is you have to test multiple ideas out of which most of them are just wrong. So then the more ideas you test out the more chances you have to figure out what is real.
Set Appropriate Goals
So how should your goals look like when you embrace failure as normal part of the process. It is important to put the focus on how many time you will have to repeat a certain task rather on how quick you will accomplish something.
Let's say you are learning to ride a bike instead of setting a goal that sound like:"i should be a able to ride pretty well by noon today". You first have to get specific over what are you going to practice. Let's say you are going to practice balance, as a normal consequences of learning balance on a bike for the first time you will of course fail today so the second variable to set about your goal is how many time are you dispose to fail at balancing on a bike today.
The formula is:
Specific goal + Technique + no. of failed repetitions = reality/success
Like this you remove the emotional blockage that you might have, that will make the process longer or stop it entirely. Also because you are not confuse about the fact that you are somehow deviated from the track of accomplishing your goal, you will be generally happy working towards making yourself better.
