I’m just going to write with the flow. And just write anything that comes to my mind...
I was going through my notes on my phone a few minutes ago. Everytime something deep crosses my mind, I write it down there... I’ve typed out parts of my own songs there and poems, paragraphs.
I came across this one, and it hit me.
“Have the storms calmed down yet? Is everything going to be okay... I'm just wondering, is it over yet? Have the winds stopped coming down to play? I know life's a roller coaster, so I should expect the ups and downs. But, will the storms calm down someday? Will everything within me be fine?
I'm stil sometimes, reminiscing about old times. It's bitter like the words out your mouth, it's colder than your heart of ice.
See cos everything within me feels dry sometimes, and when I look up at the sky, it looks peaceful like I was once upon a time.”
This was a poem/song I wrote when I was going through probably the hardest time in my life. I never wrote it finished. I had just written what was going on in my head at that point in time.
Coming across this piece of writing, a sensation of what I felt at that point in my life came back to memory. I could literally feel the exact feelings I felt when I wrote the piece.
Sadness, emptiness, broken hearted, sorrow....
Probably because it wasn’t that long ago. But I’ve come a long way from how I felt in that moment.
I felt like I was surrounded in a big storm with harsh winds. I felt like I could see the light in the far distance but it was too far away for me to touch. I was wondering when the rain would stop, the winds would calm down and the storm would pass.
When would the piercing emotions that would tug on the inside of me go away? It was a time where I needed God more than ever. Because everything within me felt dry and broken. So broken.
Broken by the things/people I held onto, the lies I believed, the lifestyle I was living and the sacrifices I therefore had to make to become who I’ve always wanted to be. Me. Truly me. Gods image me.
The sacrifices is what hurted the most. Therefore I wrote that piece. My emotions were all over. The one day I felt great, the next I felt miserable. It was a process...
A process very necessary. But thank you Jesus for holding my hand throughout that horrible storm. I love you more than words can say.
Proudly yours💕
