That result, and the ones that followed was a game changer for me. It made me feel like I'd reached my peak of satisfaction. I was all smiles that day and in the days that followed. My success filled me with an inexplicable air of satisfaction. My teachers who called me names had resigned from their jobs- a man and a woman. I was later informed, that both of them broke the 'no-colleague-dating' code, a rule instigated by the school to curb teacher-teacher affairs.They had to resign before they got served hot breakfast by the school. That would be embarassing, despicable. But I wanted them to have a glimpse of what the so-called 'olodo' girl had attained- it was a feat that was only meant for the "intellectually sound" as they say. I wanted to hear them congratulate me after all. How I would look them in the eye when they said "con-gra-tu-la-tions" to me. It'll be a moment to take my invisible pound of flesh. Nevertheless, from that day, I became one of the few representatives that were sent out for external competitions. The level of my confidence and outspokenness skyrocketed.
My school was a Catholic school. It was highly disciplinarian. To be at the top, you had to qualify. So every achievement was merited. One had to be super intellectually sound to cross average and be considered the best. I was the dumb one in my class. One of the few who didn't understand any and everything taught. I had just been admitted into this college through a transfer since my family had just moved into town. School felt different here, learning was strict and yet expectations were high from teachers who at this time seemed to have their watchful eyes on me- the new f
girl in particular. It made me feel uncomfortable at the beginning. Some of my teachers said hurtful things that made me cry in private. They called me heart-wrenching names like "olodo", "empty vessel" and the like... Those titles reechoed in my head sometimes. But I knew even then that I wasn't worthless, I was a very insightful kid, but my weakness came in expressing myself. I wanted to do more. I could be more if I worked hard like the A students in class. I was determined, convinction rose within me.
I remember one occasion, on my school's vacation day,when we students were made to wait behind to receive our report cards (an assessment card reporting a student's general performance in class). Having received mine, I hid it in disappointment. I had messed up, again! Others were indifferent and excited but I felt rejected. So that was the deal breaker for me, I chose to change the narrative, to do better.
My "IT" moment happened the next session when I came first in class beating the boy who had held that first position for years like it was his birthright. The look on the faces of my classmates was disbelieving, but to me, I thought it overwhelming and well deserved. As due protocol would have it, I would stand to receive a clapping ovation from my classmates, as was the tradition, because I came first. When the time came, they clapped sparingly, then uncontrollably and I savoured the moment, enjoying the glory that accompanied each clap while it lasted. Mischievious right? It was my moment. My joy knew no bounds, I'd reached the peak of it.
