Oh, my goodness! The wedding was actually doomed the moment the bride's expensive wig suddenly caught fire.
It wasn't symbolic. No!
It wasn't a metaphor. No!
It was an actual flame. Yes! As in, flaming flames.
Courtesy of the generator placed too close to the stage. What's more, the harmattan was dry like a breakup text sent with "God bless you" at the end. The dry harmattan air suddenly carried a spark right into Shade's twenty-four-inch Brazilian hair.
And just like that, her 'owambe' became a disaster.
Alright, guys.
Let's rewind.
Just three days earlier, the event planner, Chidiogo Igwe of "Class & Candlelight Events," had taken on the contract of her life—a society wedding at Victoria Island with a budget so bloated, she called it "Operation Boondoggle." Not out loud, of course. Just in her head.
The bride, Shade Alao, was the only daughter of Chief and Chief (Mrs.) Alao— owners of Alaoma Gas & Allied Services. Everything had to be perfect: custom fabric flown in from China, a live peacock, five outfit changes, classic shoes and jewelry flown in from Dubia, and the most problematic of all: a surprise performance by Nigerian and American music legends 2Baba (also known as 2face Idibia) and Beyonce Knowles.
"You'll pull this off, Chidiogo," her assistant, Amanda, said with her usual blind optimism. "I mean, how hard can it be to coordinate a wedding with eight hundred guests, two ministers, three ex-governors, and a very alive monkey that's allergic to perfume?" Amanda said with a smirk.
"Amanda! Just shut up!" Chidiogo exclaimed.
By Saturday morning, everything was already falling apart. The drink vendor had sent alcoholic chapman instead of virgin. The monkey—meant to appear in the couple's "Garden of Eden" themed photoshoot—bit the groom's cousin because it was allergic to his heavy perfume. And King 2face Idibia, who had already met Beyonce Knowles at the airport, in true celebrity fashion, was now both stuck in heavy traffic, four hours after their scheduled arrival.
However, Chidiogo looked calm, but on the inside, her heart was pounding with worries as if her village people were holding a conference in her chest.
"We are professionals," she muttered like a prayer. "We don't panic." She encouraged herself.
That lasted, actually, until the bride's wig eventually caught fire.
There was a sudden burst of screams
Then pandemonium.
Veil ablaze, bouquet flying. The bride's mother immediately fainted out of shock, onto a tray of small chops. The groom ran towards her to catch her but unfortunately tripped on the red carpet and dislocated his knee.
"Quench it! Quench it!" the bride yelled and ran like a chicken that escaped the Christmas knife.
"What to do! What to do!" some relatives ran about in a confused state in search of how to extinguish the flames on her veil.
"Shhhhaaah!" Immediately, a few invited guess quickly poured the bride a huge pocket of tomato and pepper water.
"Ah! Mummyyyy!!! My eyes! My eyes!" the bride cried out in despair, like a little girl whose biscuit was snatched by a goat.
"Heyyy!" My enemies have succeeded, o!"
The bride's mother wailed. Having just recovered from fainting, she quickly rushed over to her daughter (the bride) with a bottle of water to wash her face. But in her panic, she poured too much water, drenching her daughter's face and eventually ruined her makeup.
When the bride finally raised her head, she looked like a melted painting of Mona Lisa—mascara streaming like black tears, lipstick smudged to her chin like an accidental tribal mark, and her lashes dangling like a tired wipers in a thunderstorm. Her once-bold eyebrows had faded into confused commas, and her foundation had gathered in streaks like yam porridge left too long in the sun. What's more, her eyes were red as if she was about to transform into a vampire.
"Ah! Chineke mo!" Chidiogo suddenly exclaimed in horror.
"Aye mi ooo!" one of the bride's aunts exclaimed, having her hands full of jewelry on her head.
"This can't be ordinary! This must be jazz!" Chidiogo's assistant, Amanda, exclaimed, with her mouth open.
Uncles filmed, The DJ, not knowing what else to do, started playing Asa's "Fire on the mountain."
Chidiogo just stood dumbfounded, staring at the whole havoc and nearly quitting on the spot.
However, the real trouble began when Chief Alao, the bride's father, demanded answers.
"What kind of foolishness is this?" he roared. "Is this how your people conduct events? Do you know how much I paid?" he yelled in excruciating anger.
"Sir, with all due respect, you insisted on the generator placement," Chidiogo tried to excuse herself from the blame.
"You're mad!" The groom's father joined in with the bride's father in fury.
And then legendary 2Baba (2face Idibia) and queen Beyonce Knowles finally arrived.
2face Idibia was wearing leopard-print trousers and a designer T-shirt, holding a cane shaped like a microphone, while Beyonce was wearing a glittering gold jumpsuit with sleeves that flowed like angel wings and a crown that sparkled with each step she took—like a queen who came to receive her Grammy award and perhaps, the groom too.
They both walked into the ruined wedding like Moses parting the Red sea of disaster. They both stared at the wedding cake, the groom with his leg in a bucket of ice, and the bride, now in a backup wig, with a half-burnt veil and gown, sitting on the cooler of drinks. invited guess chasing an angry monkey and furious men( the bride and groom's fathers) shouting.
"I like the energy," he said. "Let's perform." 2face Idibia and Beyonce Knowles emerged on the stage and started singing.
Shockingly... it worked.
The crowd started dancing. The bride, who was high on painkillers and vibes, immediately joined in. The groom waved from his chair; he could not dance because he had a broken leg. The bride and groom's fathers moved their heads, then their shoulders, and... eventually shook their whole bodies in excitement.
By the end of the night, nobody remembered the flames, the monkey, or the Chapman.
All they remembered was that somehow— through absurdity, accidents, and adrenaline —love had won.
Chidiogo actually got two new contracts, an apology from the couples' fathers, and a feature in Bridal Buzz Magazine titled:
"The Woman Who Turned a Boondoggle Into a Bash."
THANKS A LOT FOR READING ME
