No!
Hell no!
Oh my gosh no!
One thousand times no!
For the love of all that is holy no!
Dark Phoenix is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. But because I have been taught to always try to find the positive in everything, I will say one nice thing. The movie was (mercifully) relatively short. That is all. That is seriously the only positive I can think of. The movie is so boring and lazy that it is not even fun to rip on. At least Batman v Superman has provided me with endless "Martha" jokes and a drinking game that revolves around taking a drink every time someone asks "Why did that happen?" and the answer is "I don't know".
Conversely, Dark Phoenix has given me absolutely nothing.
Please do not bother ever seeing this movie. Don't even bother renting it or watching it on HBO for free. It is simply not worth your time.
I actually feel insulted by "writer/director" Simon Kinberg. I had to use quotes because I simply do not believe he did any writing or directing. It seemed like he just took out some X-Men comic books, pointed to a few pages and said "do that... but don't put too much effort into it". There is no reason why. There is no real story development. There is no emotion. Worst of all, there is almost no action.
If he had pointed to some pages that had epic battles going on, it would have at least provided a little eye candy and popcorn-chomping motivation. But he didn't. He pointed to a lot of pages that involved talking about... nothing. That is fine for a 22 minute Seinfeld episode, but I prefer a better story if I am spending $10 and two hours of my time.
During the very few action sequences (I'd estimate less than 10 minutes of screen time) the choreography is so terrible that it reminds me of an amateur theater group who just took a three hour stage fighter course and want to show off their amazing new moves. There is nothing original or exciting in the battles.
When there is no action (which is the vast majority of the time) there is... nothing. Seriously. Because my wife and daughter are far wiser than my son and I, they did not go to the movie. When we returned home, the ladies asked me if it was good. Ummmmm no. Then they asked, "Who was the bad guy?". I did not know what to say. I don't really know (or care) who the bad guys were. All I came up with was "They are aliens. And Aliens are bad... I think." Then they asked for a huge spoiler, "Did Jean Grey live?" I can honestly say that my answer is not a spoiler because that answer is... "I don't know and I don't care."
In fact, I care so little that I'm not even going to finish writi...
Please don't waste your time on this movie.
