No-matter how much I try to forget it and move on. How much I try to be strong and forget it. I am just stuck there in a loop and not moving on. I wish I could go back in time and say "NO" to every decision that was taken in behalf of me. I had to play it in my mind again and again, but deep in me wishing to destroy that tape. Old memories torturing my soul and not letting me even focus on the future.
I keep asking myself the same questions again and again. Why did I not say "No". A simple word could change everything. A strong decision could make my life look different than it is today. I am a grown up adult, but still have that child inside of me who never grew up. I try to act as an adult, but dont feel that way. Why did my mother left me alone at that time. Why did she accept my fathers stupid decision without any objections. I lived so far away from them, but they never thought about my feelings at that time.
I didnt feel needy at that time, but now! When it is too late and there is no way back. I wish I could make things different, but it is very difficult to stand there alone and wait for them to understand. All I needed is love, but I could never understand that and will never do...
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