My son and I were invited to my wife's place of employment for a Christmas dinner. She works at an assisted living center for senior citizens most of whom have some sort of alzhimers.
Yes that is me the dog all cleaned up.
Anyway we arrived and found a table that was empty and sat down.
When my wife was done serving the residents she sat down with us and we all started eating. I happened to look up to see a 90 year old lady staring intently at me. Quickly I dropped my gaze back down to my plate and kept eating. About a minute later I glanced back up to see her getting out of her chair and head straight for me. Oh shit I thought to myself while glancing at my wife silently with a look of help me in my eyes as the woman came beside me. My wife started giggling, a lot of help she was!
The woman got up in my face and asked who I was while petting my hair (yes like a dog). Being the smartass that I am I replied "I'm me". She looked puzzled then asked who is me. I said last time I checked I was her husband pointing at my wife. The woman looked at my wife and asked who she was. I said that's my wife. But what is her name I don't know her. Just then my wife said "George, my name is George". Shocked the lady jerked back and said Goerge?! Then looking at me she said if your wife's name is George then you must be Lucile? My wife piped up and said yes his name is Lucile. By this time the woman was getting annoyed and asked what my real name was so I told her. Then she asked my wife if I was her son. My wife said "do I look old enough to be his mother?" "He is my husband not son". The woman looked at me then back to my wife and asked "how did you get so lucky to land him?" Now you have to understand the woman is talking so loud that the whole room could hear. And yes they all stopped what they were doing and was listening to the entire conversation. My wife replied just as loud as the old woman "VERY CAREFULLY!" The whole room burst out laughing.
By this time I was ready to slide under the table like a shy preteen. The woman's daughter came over and grabbed her mother and tried to pull her away. The old lady told my wife that she had a handsome husband and her daughter agreed then apologized if her mother embarrassed me.
To top it off when my son and I got home he looked at me and said "so now you have 90 yr old women chasing you, you have options". Would kicking his butt cheeks to his earlobes be considered child abuse?