This post is amazing, thank you so much for the great read!

Reading this felt like seeing a piece of my heart on the screen... I deeply related to so much of this. Ironically, I am in my thirties now, and I buy dolls and play with them on the floor with my daughter in present times... but in my 20's I would have felt like I was reading my diary if I saw this post!

I left my hometown and traveled the US with very little money. Honestly, I was not overly smart about it. I put myself in dangerous situations at times, but thankfully nothing too bad happened. Mostly taking shady odd jobs to earn money for food, it took me awhile to navigate safe gig work— there weren't any phone app jobs back then. 😂

Outside of these hurdles, I had a great time. It's true that you follow yourself everywhere you go... yet, I suppose crying on a beach is better than doing it in Ohio (where I'm from). I gained a new frame of reference and proved some things to myself... and at some point, I realized how bold I was. I ended up getting involved in activist work for a long while, and that led to a whole other sort of healing that isn't relevant here...

That time was valuable to me, and so was the time I took after that. I thought I had 'fully healed' because I felt better, but so much of my trauma came up when I became a mother in my late 20's. Selfishness can be survival, I learned the value of being selfish in this time. To accept only what I wanted in my life, and aggressively deny anything else. I reclaimed so much of myself because I fiercely needed to be a better mother than the one I had. When I thought of my energy as a resource that my child needed, I suddenly respected myself more than I ever had. 🤣

I buy her the playdoh I didn't have, and read her the same book 1000 times... even though we have 50 books, she only wants that one... and so I read it again. I turn my living room into a giant fort, and watch my 4-year-old chase my 1-year-old under layers of blankets... and I am just as excited as my daughter when we sit in front of the dollhouse and play. I guess I'm having my childhood in my 30's, which is out of order... but better late than never!

When life hands us things out of order, I think it's fine to make our own rules. Anyhow, I don't mean any of that as advice... except maybe the blanket fort... I just wanted to express all the things you made me think of as I read this. How the little girl in me sees the little girl in you. You are brave and wonderful and brilliant! I hope you keep writing, and always take time to be kind to yourself. You deserve all the stickers and boardgames 💚