Hello everyone! I hope you鈥檝e been doing well this season馃. I know I missed a lot of good things here, but here I am trying to catch up. Anyway, I am posting my second blog, and I appreciate it if you are going to read it馃. You can also share your thoughts with me by commenting or mentioning me in your blogs馃槈. Have a good day and enjoy!
The photo below is my boarding house. You can see the mess, right? This mess is like an emotion I was feeling last week. I felt like I was so messed up without knowing why. My body is so weak that I don鈥檛 want to do anything but lie down. So, I was absent from work for two consecutive days (without even thinking about the consequences). The days were Thursday and Friday. I did nothing on these days but starve myself and then cry and cry. I can't pinpoint the exact reason, but it just feels very heavy.
Friday afternoon, I went to the corner side of the house near the mirror. I take a look at my face and reflect. Like, Oh my god! I鈥檓 so ugly. I need to stop crying, or else I will lose my beauty! (Kidding aside). A little fact about me: the mirror is my favorite thing in the house and even anywhere I go because it helps me reflect and calm down a little. Do you also do the same? If not, then you should do so馃槈.
To continue, even if I'm relieved, I didn鈥檛 still go outside. For this reason, I am ashamed of the way I look. I feel so disgusted, so I just fixed my looks and watched movies from Loklok, which is an app where you can watch a variety of movies with different genres. What I watched was one of their highlights, which is a Korean ongoing series entitled 鈥淕yeongSeong Creature." This is one of the most outstanding drama series I've ever watched.
As the sun went down, I stopped watching the drama and focused on my objective. During that night, I started cleaning the room. I arranged the things accordingly and then washed the plates afterward. I also cooked food for dinner since I was really hungry. After that, I did my schoolwork and finally slept.
The next morning was a genuinely blessed and happy day. Hearing the crowing of the roaster nearby (which is like waking you up from the negativity). Also, seeing birds flying along the sunrise indicates a new beginning after the dark. It鈥檚 beautiful! So, I can鈥檛 help myself watching it and taking pictures.
When the sun finally rose, I started eating my breakfast and proceeded to my last goal. It is to wash my clothes before going to work in the afternoon. I prepared everything I needed. The clothes to be washed, the detergent, the basin, hangers, and other things needed.
The process was not smooth because some inevitable circumstances arose. The water flow became too slow because of the numerous users. To the point that it cannot be enough for use. So, I stopped for a moment and went back upstairs. I sat on the balcony outside my room. The weather at that time was extremely fabulous. The air was so refreshing, and the surroundings were filled with serenity. To the point that I could not miss the chance to take pictures, especially when I saw those goats roaming around. It reminds me of my life in the province with a pet goat. I love cuddling that goat and watching her eat grass.
Going back, I continued washing those clothes with a smile on my face to attract positivity and to lessen
the feeling of tiredness. And finally, I made it.
Yet, beforehand, another fact about me! I鈥檓 a jolly person who loves to hear and throw jokes. A cheerful, carefree person who always wears a smile. But most of these days, I have changed a lot. I experienced numerous mood swings, like happy now, angry later (I can even think that I am the mother of angry birds馃槀) There will be moments when I want to be alone and cry uncontrollably. The feeling of being lost, out of confidence, and losing appetite to live that could be because of the negative hormones produced by our body or because of the anxiety and unhealed pain I experienced in the past. It might also be because of the change in lifestyle and responsibilities. The responsibility of a worker who must work 12 hours to support the needs of herself and her family, a student, and a citizen in this unfair society.
And then, now, I realize that it鈥檚 okay. It is okay to feel that way. It鈥檚 okay to be sad, to cry, and to rant things out. Because, in the end, you will learn a lesson. A lesson from your experience that is more powerful than somebody taught you. From that, I learned that I needed to stand still, fight those emotions, and be stronger. I need to be tough for my dreams, for my family, and for the people who believe in me. This process is just part of the training. I am better now and will be better in the next chapter of my life.
