Though I have some kind of relationship with my auntie and uncles. But not all of them. And the very first time that I got to know how strange family can become was when I was looking at a photo album and I asked my parents, "who is the woman?" They both laughed, and one of them replied, "that is my half brother." I continued looking at the picture because I could see a resemblance; I never got to know who he really was except for someone I randomly see at a family function.
That stayed with me for that moment and after, because I have aunties and uncles that I am close to, and there are others that I have never met or spoken to before. And that is how those relationships have become distant naturally. Work, school, different cities, and life happened. And at the same time, I have seen and witnessed how silence has grown between relatives.
Just one missed call from Uncle B becomes four months. And from that, it becomes a year, and from that, no one really cares because life happens. And when they later meet at a family function, they will be looking at each other like strangers who only share the same surname.
I remember when I was growing, there was a close family aunty who usually came to visit at intervals before she got married. She brought out a big family album, wine-colored, filled with different pictures of relatives, and she was telling us stories about relatives I had only heard mentioned in passing. She knew who was stubborn, who couldn't cook, the lazy one, the one who eats too much, the one who only comes around when in need of money, the one who enjoys reading, the one very close to everyone, and the one who always comes to family meetings late. She said different things that evening, and I laughed so hard, but I realized something later. She was telling us family history that would disappear if no one paid attention.
At this moment, I am not yet married, and I am yet to have any kids, so I will never pretend as if I already know what kind of father I would become. But when I start having children of my own, I will like for them all to know their extended family. Not because as relatives, we all must be perfect or something or because we share the same blood, which automatically creates a good relationship. That is not always true. It might it be a good thing to Keep some relatives close because it's unhealthy, and setting boundaries will still matter.
What I plan to do is, aside from me and my future wife, I want our kids to have people outside us who remember them as children, who can point them back home by telling them their family history, and who will easily recognize a family routine in their face before they even notice it themselves.
And thinking deeply now, I feel that is what extended family gives us, really. Not just phone numbers of people we can be calling during needful or emergency times, but more witnesses to our existence. Though there no family albums like we used to see back then, but I would love my future children to grow up knowing each name and faces behind the old photographs.
Thank you for reading.
Images created by Gemini AI
