I may be a bit old-fashioned, but I told my daughter a long time ago that when she is ready to get married, I expect to be asked for permission.
In a world where it seems like nothing is sacred anymore, I wanted the occasion to be a memorable one in which I share a moment of mutual respect with someone who will be a part of my family for the rest of my life. It would be a chance for him to acknowledge that I spent the energy of my younger adult life investing into my child, in hopes that, regardless of my shortcomings, she would grow up to be a beautiful and confident young woman. It would be an opportunity for me to acknowledge his love for her, passing the torch to another man to care for someone I care for so much. This is someone who will raise my grandchildren, someone who will praise them and discipline them, someday finding himself in my position. It is someone I will have to trust and have confidence in.
I once told my wife that I found it strange how I felt I had become the father portrayed in movies where the girl falls in love with the rebel guy and the conservative father will have “no such thing for his little girl”. It’s not that my daughter has dated any questionable characters. It’s just that no one is good enough for your little girl.
My daughter has in fact become a beautiful and confident young woman. In fact, as her father I see too much confidence at times. Then I reflect on myself at that age and I think, “she’s going to be fine”.
So, out of respect for my wishes, that day came last Friday. I met up with a young man who has been very special to my daughter for some time now. I can't say that I know him really well as far as spending one-on-one time with him. He lives a couple of hours away, not far from my daughter's college. He works full-time with overtime, spending what little time with her that he can. We’ve had a little time together and had his parents over for a meal last summer. I know that his heart is full to the brim with love for her. I know that his morals are those that I can appreciate. I know that he is a joy to be around.
So, as we sat across from each other in a booth at a small restaurant, it went something like this…
“I've known your daughter for 3 years, and I’ve been dating her for a year and a half.”
(Thinking to myself) “Well, here it comes. The big question. And he's looking down at the table. I have him right where I want him.”
“So I would like to ask you for…”
“Look me in the eye.”
He looks up, locks eye contact and quickly finishes the question, “…her hand in marriage.”
I smirked a bit as I demanded eye contact. I didn’t want him to think I was being mean. I think subconsciously I wanted him to know that he can look me in the eye. Be confident with me. I will respect that. He should know that he can talk to me when things are awkward. I can be brash, but I care immensely.
So, yes or no?
Well, now, it isn't that easy. We had a few things to talk about first. Just a week ago we had a long discussion with our daughter about doing some things to stack the odds in their favor rather than against them. One being premarital counseling, another being a financial course and a few others. Knowing this day would come, we told her that if they wanted our blessing and support, they needed to do these few things before marriage. I reiterated these things with him and explained that these requests are not for us, but for them. To stack the odds in their favor. Then I told him that with these things in place I would be in full support.
One down, two to go.
