Part and parcel of living with Multiple Sclerosis involves suffering with depression. The fact that I have a life long condition that affects my health could be the cause of my depression. Maybe it's knowing my health will steadily get worse, or possibly because of the chronic pain and overwhelming fatigue I experience. Depression can also be a side effect of MS - if lesions are in a certain area of my brain, that can cause it.
Regardless, I usually have a handle on it and treat it with pills every night before I go to sleep. I used to be very anti-drugs, but have come to accept that I need them, if not for my own sanity, then to help my family live with me.
A few weeks ago I had a bout of flu. My immune system is wonky: in Multiple Sclerosis, it's your own immune system that attacks your nervous system, leaving lesions (scars) in your brain or spinal column. Once damaged in such a way, your nerves never fully heal. When I have a cold or flu, my immune system either goes into overdrive to attack it, or it's slow to react. Either way, when it does kick in it gets carried away and attacks my nerves too. This time the flu dragged on, draining my energy - something I had little of to start with. I suspect my immune system also went on a rampage as I have still not fully recovered to my level of health before the flu struck.
For those that follow my blog, you may have noticed I have been unusually quiet of late. Even though the flu has now subsided, I seem to have lost my mojo. I can't think clearly, I seem to be spending more time in bed each day and I have come to realise that I may be more depressed than usual. I have not been as active in the various communities I am a part of and feel like I am letting everyone down.
Why am I writing this? To get sympathy perhaps? Nope. Just to let people know that I still strongly believe in this platform and the various community offshoots. Yes, there are problems here - just look at the shit show that is the trending page - but they can be fixed. How? Someone cleverer than me can figure that out. But for now, I'm taking a little time offline. I need it. I can still be contacted on Discord if needs be - I check it throughout the day.
Meanwhile I still keep a check on my witness server, making sure it's running as it should and publishing a regular price feed. Having lost a large witness vote I have slipped down to rank 88, but I appreciate each and every person who still supports my witness. Thank you all. If you'd like to support me, click the link in my footer.
See you on the other side.
Muxxy.
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