Learning Boundaries in Friendships

It's no secret that in friendships, especially closely knit ones, you have an insane urge to look out or protect your friend from something you perceive as shady and could possibly do damage to them. While this gesture in its entirety is not wrong, it may come off as a wrong form of looking out, it can appear as overprotectiveness and it's common knowledge nobody likes to be kept on a leash not especially a friend who you trust and you are supposed to confide in.

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There was a certain time that my friend was dating somebody I didn't like. She noticed my attitude towards him and asked me about it. I told her exactly how I felt and she didn't take offence. I wish I stopped there but I didn't. I went on and on and it came off like I was projecting and pushing it. As you can guess, she got pissed and withdrew herself from me for few days. I had to sit and think about what I had done and I realized I was in the wrong.

Situations like this in friendships are almost inevitable. Your friend might be with someone, group of people or even start a business that doesn't sit well with you. In situations like this the first thing that comes to mind is to express your displeasure and explain the reasons why you think its not the best decision. It's not a bad thing as it doesn't come from a place of jealousy but from love and concern as it is human nature to look after who they love. But what you don't want to do is forcefully try to impose your opinions on them. That is the mistake I made with my friend that almost cost me the friendship. Doing this could mean several things. First, it means that you don't respect their decisions. It also indicates that you don't trust your friend's judgement and ability to make the right decision and finally it shows that you don't respect their boundaries.

These things happen often in friendships. Because I am an advocate for intentionality in friendships, I've curated a list of things you can do in situations like this.

• Resist the urge : Resist the urge to help them navigate or see things a certain way because if they do at that moment and have a change of heart later, it will hurt you because you will definitely feel they don't trust you.
  Understand your place: Your place as a best friend is not an excuse to butt in their personal life, make peace with their decisions even if you know it might indirectly affect you. Keep your opinions to yourself until you are asked and while giving your two cents, do so objectively. No matter who you are, there are some things that are not in your place and nobody likes being told what to do.

• Assure them: Assure your friends that they have your support whenever they embark on something, even if you are not comfortable with it. It creates a deeper level of trust and understanding between you and them and knowing they can tell you anything without judgement helps them open up faster and completely too.
  Be About you: when they do them, you do you. Be honest with yourself because them getting hurt means you getting hurt, be prepared to create a safe landing space for them but detach yourself from the situation.

• Be honest with them: Come clean and bare your mind and how you're feeling, let them know it's coming from a place of love and not mistrust or obsession.

It can be hard sometimes but you have to always remember that your friends wouldn't always do what you like and there's really nothing you can do about it. You have no choice but to live with it. Most importantly, never say "I told you so". I wish you all great friendships.

Thank You For Reading!