I think as far as the looser link relationships, rather than tight bonds, with people we find difficulty in not judging are a life phase thing. For instance, it just makes sense to be friendly with one of the moms I see constantly at karate, where I spend many hours every week. I know we will never be close because of these differences, but it makes her happy to have companionship...and it pushes me out of my comfort zone somewhat. I think parenting results in quite a few of these sorts of relationships, and they will fade away when the kids are older. I imagine there are other phases like this too. I could see being an old lady in a nursing home and being like "well, what do I really have to work with here?" Ha.