When someone dies, we miss them terribly, and it feels like the pain is just never going to end. Every little thing reminds us of that person, and it takes a while to start thinking clearly again.
They say that time heals all wounds, and that is true. Every day is a little easier, although we are still constantly aware off our loss. We all have our own way to deal with loss and even if it is difficult, we know that there is absolutely nothing we can do about the situation. We just have to deal with it and make it one day at a time.
One of the hardest things that happen to me is when you want to ask the deceased person a question or just quickly phone them and you realize that you can’t.
My mom lives with me and it’s been especially hard for her these last three months, but slowly she is getting better and we have become really close at this time. We can now sometimes even laugh about things that my dad did in his lifetime. He had his own sense of humor much like mine.
Now that nearly the whole world is under lockdown, we have even more time to think and to reflect on our lives. The “what if” question pops up quite a lot, but then thankfully goes away again. There is absolutely no reason for dwelling in the past and we don’t even know what the impact of this virus will be on earth. All we can do is to take it one day at a time and make the best of what we have left.
Life is quite relaxing at this stage even with all the stress of the virus. It feels like we are on a long holiday. I have literally been out of the house twice in the last fourteen days. Once to get my husband tested for COVID-19 and then once to buy the very bare necessities. We had to wait four days for the results, but eventually, they phoned Monday morning and informed us that the test was negative. I was not so much worried, but my husband was, and I could see the relief on his face when he got the result.
We had a braai later that day and he drank his last beer to celebrate the fact that his test was negative. My mom even joined us, and we were all sitting outside counting our blessings when suddenly a whole swarm of butterflies flew over the house and went to sit in all the trees all over the garden. I mean this was a sight to see. Hundreds of butterflies of different colors sat all over, and one landed on my mother’s arm.
We were all amazed and I was still talking to my husband when I realized that my mom was crying. She could hardly speak and when she calmed down, she told me why she was crying.
She prayed early in the morning and asked God to look after my father and to send her a sign that he was safe and at peace. She even felt guilty after praying because we are supposed to believe and not to ask for signs from beyond the grave.
If the butterflies were not a sign, I don’t know what it was!
I believe that it was a sign, even though there might be some kind of scientific explanation for the butterflies. Suddenly I was very calm and at peace and the negativity and doubt, all went away. The butterflies disappeared just as suddenly, and an unexplainable peace came over us all.
We will get through this. COVID-19 can’t do anything to us, we just have to keep our sides clean. None of us know how we’re going to die, so we need to make the best of our lives while we still have the opportunity.
Use this time to spend real time with your family. Build new relationships and make the best of what is left in this world. We never expected to be in this type of situation, but it made us all realize that we are vulnerable and that we need to fix what is wrong in our lives because we never know when life as we know it is going to end.