I feel like the Whore of Babylon.
I am looking for work. I have some job opportunities but they are not falling in line...and I've been littering the city with my resume and application. I've even PAID a company called Wag to work as a dog walker. And out of desperation I put up an ad saying I was a starving artist looking to do odd jobs. I put my work history in fitness and emergency medicine...I mentioned I'm a great house cleaner and one heck of a lawn mower and am just looking to supplement income but still allow myself to follow my heart....
What I have received in response was the opportunity to be caregiver to a man in a wheelchair born with spina bifida. He was willing to pay me more to give him sexual favors. And I turned that job down.
The next was a man who wanted me to give him massages, but he would double my pay for happy endings. No thank you.
The next offer I was given was to do porn.
The next offer was to be Arm Candy in an escort service.
The next was to clean house in the nude.
AND NOW I AM TAKING THAT AD DOWN.
I am glad my angry self destructive is more rear view mirror...however close in the mirror! I won't sell my sex. I devalued sex along the way...it lost all meaning. It used to mean love and intimacy but it broke. Then it was just this physical thing, detached. That's alright. I glue back together.
I'm swearing off all men....for a year. It is. Boys are OFF LIMITS. Sex is a drug, in case all of you weren't aware, we were all born addicts. It's the endorphins, the oxytocin. I miss monogamy, and the idea that sex was special. I have no idea what it is anymore...not in this society...it's like a weird free for all. Don't like it. Tried to play along once upon a time. Thank god for grace, and clean slates.
This being said. Does anyone need their lawn mowed? Their toilet cleaned? Does anyone want some personal training or boxing lessons? I'm trying to be a writer, and an artist....and I would be happier at this point in time just odd jobbing it up....who says I have to be conventional? All chores will be done WITH MY CLOTHING ON....thank you very much.
