Are you spoiling your child?
We love to indulge, pamper and provide our child/children with the best, be it food, clothing, home, education, etc., and yet we are unable to understand where we are going wrong when the same child throws a tantrum or misbehaves.Let us first understand what the term “spoilt” really means. It can have different connotations for different parents. A highly strict parent may deem a child as spoiled even if the child throws the slightest of a tantrum. Whereas on the other hand, a lenient parent may not consider the child as spoilt also if the child refused to listen to them. Then, how do we define a genuinely spoilt child?A child can be considered spoilt when he or she becomes so unmanageable that instead of parents being in control, the child seems to be controlling the parents. Our changing lifestyle, the changing values, and so on are the contributing factors to the spoilt child syndrome.
Some of the factors that as a parent, we may be doing wrong, thereby contributing to spoiling our child/children can include:
- I can’t say no to my child – We all love our children beyond words, at times, even indulging in their difficult and unaffordable demands. Most of the families are now nuclear, which means that the child is mostly the centre of the universe. Most often working parents, try to compensate for their lost time with the child with material things. To assuage their guilt, give in to every demand of the child, whether legitimate or not. The child also now understands that he/she can make the parents do anything by emotionally blackmailing them and as a parent; you are unable to say “no.”
- Clean your mess – Parents, especially moms, at times tend to overpamper their children. Most often, we fail to teach specific moral discipline, such as cleaning up after they have created a mess and keeping their things in order. It is crucial that we teach our child to develop age-appropriate habits, such as a 3-year-old child can be instructed to place his or her toys back in their place after they are done playing with them. Older children can be taught to clean up if they spill something. These habits go a long way in building character.
- Bossing around – It is indeed charming to see a tiny human being bossing around the adults of the house and trying to scold them. However, a continuation of this habit in the growing years can turn a child into a bully. As a parent, it is vital that we put a stop to any behaviour where the child talks back or is disrespectful to you or other elders in the house. Do not excuse their rude behaviour as “kids being kids.” Children are very observant, and during their growing years, they model their action based on the people around them. It is crucial that we are cautious about setting wrong examples for them. If we talk disrespectfully to our spouse, family members, the child also will emulate the same.
- I do everything for my child – When babies are born, they need everything to be done for them, and as they grow up, they tend to get more and more independent. However, particular over-indulgent parents pamper their children so much that they end up doing everything for them. The child learns to lean on you for everything, making them utterly dependent on you for even the smallest of the tasks. Once they step out of the protective environment of their homes, they will need to be independent. They must be made to understand the consequences of not complying with the discipline rules of the house.
- We are best friends – Being friends with your child, especially teens is good. It helps them to open up with you about their life and problems. However, as a parent at times, we can fail to draw the line between being a friend and a parent. We either tend to behave with them as they would or indulge them when they act like an adult. For example, if you are allowing your teenager to sit and have a drink with you, that is going to set a wrong precedent.
Parenting, they say, is the hardest job in the world. As a parent, you walk a tightrope balancing your work, home, and several other responsibilities. Being lenient or strict needs to be situation based and not just be the norm of the house. Your child must know the line that he/she cannot cross and yet not hesitate to come to you whenever they make a mistake or need help.
