I met a friend for breakfast last week, one I haven't seen for nine months. It was good to see him and to catch up but some of the news wasn't very positive; I came away feeling bad for him, a little helpless and with a feeling of resignation in respect of where his life is headed. I also felt really grateful that I am not in his position, and that I have such a great relationship with my wife Faith.
His wife of one year is going through some mental health issues exacerbated by the birth of their daughter six months ago and postnatal depression associated with the birth. He's doing everything to hold it together however he is facing some serious problems and, in my opinion, it's not going to end well. The sad thing is my friend went through this exact thing with his previous wife and almost took his own life four years ago; I'm glad he's not good at tying knots. I had hoped he would find happiness this time, but that seems to have eluded him once more.
I came home that day and thanked Faith for being a hard working, caring, loving and respectful wife, for caring deeply about our relationship, herself as an individual, and me also. I just felt incredibly grateful for what we have built together.
We chatted and were both in agreement that we are fortunate to have each other and the strength in our relationship to have carried it forward over the last thirty three years with love, passion, humour, respect and gratitude. We are very lucky...
But it's not luck really, it has come from hard work, effort, understanding, flexibility and the ability to argue, but not hate each other whilst doing so, or afterwards. Of course there's many other elements involved as well.
It was on that day we decided to have a barbeque on Saturday night, just us,block the world out for a bit. That was last night and we had a really nice time; The best time actually.
We got some nice foods arranged, simple but good quality, and together we prepped and prepared our meal...Me cooking on the grill, her assisting; She hates cooking. We sat down around the fire pit in my yard and ate whilst listening to tunes and talking. A pretty perfect night.
We talked about many things including why we thought our relationship had lasted so long. My reason, I'm really awesome, wasn't well-received so it's fortunate I was just joking around. But we managed to determine some really valid reasons and it was nice to say them out loud, to talk about and reaffirm them.
I'm not willing to share them here but, for us, talking things through has been one of our big relationship-strengths together with our ability to find a great deal of value through the simple act of being together...We don't need a lot of external influences to occupy us; Just each other. I think that has brought us closer together.
We sat around the fire pit watching the flames burn, music playing and us chatting about us, our future plans, the current covid-19 situation and how we have been/will be mitigating its impact on us. Many things. It was a typical G-dog and Faith Saturday night.
This morning I woke up feeling good but my thoughts returned to my friend and his predicament which seems quite hopeless from what he told me. I think his situation has been made worse by the stresses around the covid-scenario in conjunction with the issues his wife is facing. It makes me sad that those guys have come to that point and I wonder how many others are struggling in this same way.
I hope my friend can work it all out, as with other couples in the same situation too; A good relationship is a game-changer in life. I know this first hand.
My life isn't perfect, Far from it, I'll be honest; My relationship isn't perfect either.
Relationships are fluid, and those in them need to be also. It's hard work keeping a relationship strong, interesting and passionate and change is inevitable. What hasn't changed for us though, Faith and I, is the flame we each carty for the other. It sparked back in September 1987, the day we met, and the ember grew into the fire that exists to this day.
It is my hope that everyone gets to feel their own version of the fire I'm talking about, that it's sustainable and they feed it with the right fuel. It's not easy to do of course, but is well worth it.
Whether your relationship is a spark, ember or fire it needs attention, and tending, always.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
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