Locally-sourced and responsibly produced fresh foods prepared with finesse and great skill. Stunning presentation to delight the senses and tantalize the tastebuds. A feast fit for tables in the finest restaurants of the world all described expertly in the written word immersing the reader in the moment, almost allowing them to taste the culinary delights right through the computer...That's what makes food blog perfection.
This post isn't that...Food blog perfection I mean.
Last night I was watching a documentary about polar bears with Faith when I decided I needed a snack - Saturday night's are perfect snack times.
There's vanilla yoghurt in the fridge G-dog, Faith said, some apples too. I looked at her as if she'd suggested I gnaw my own arm off to sate my hunger pangs.
Apples? What madness are you speaking woman! I gave her a suitably horrified look.
She looked back at me knowing her feeble attempt at getting me to eat something healthy had fallen on deaf ears. Have some Twisties then. She had already capitulated.
Good plan Faith, don't mind if I do, I thought to myself.
Of course always keen to push the envelope of the culinary arts I wasn't simply going to consume a bowl of Twisties like some pauper with no class or style...No, I'm dignified and my intention was to create culinary greatness. You can see it, step by step below.
It's nothing but the best for the old G-dog when it comes to Saturday night snacks you know.
First I home-baked a bread roll using non-genetically modified grains that I ground up myself in a mortar and pestle made from a fallen meteorite, baked in a wood oven using wood from an enchanted forest in Norway. You can see it on the plate above.
Then I sourced freshly churned butter from the teat of a cow who lives in a green field full of organic grasses and was milked by a lovely busty Austrian milkmaid wearing a low top...She delivers to my door of course.
And, as if I need to say, only the freshest cheese flavoured Twisties will suffice.
This recipe isn't one for the novice chef to attempt. It's not all that complex, one just needs to get the steps in the correct order and have the special touch with each element to ensure the result comes out perfectly.
This is where my expert skills bring the snack together in a perfect combination of fresh ingredients lovingly combined, individual elements concatenated into one glorious and truly spectacular culinary creation.
As you can see I adopted a more rustic style applying the butter in an eclectic manner to lend the dish a more deconstructed feel. The addition of the Twisties? Well, these must be placed carefully and with great precision. This is where my expertise is required.
At this stage the dish is almost prepared but there's one final step that, once again, only those greatly skilled in the culinary arts should attempt.
Clearly the top-flipping process is a delicate operation but once that final preparation was done I plated up my creation...And doesn't it look inviting? I know...Mind blown.
With great pomp and ceremony I returned to the couch where, whilst I was creating culinary magnificence, Faith had turned the TV over to the movie The Sound of Music. Trust me I wanted to stab myself with a blunt spoon but I couldn't as I had a masterpiece to consume.
Food blog perfection this post is certainly not...But a paragon of culinary creations my Twisties sandwich surely was...It even allowed me to sit through a few minutes of The Sound of Music without saying, what fucking crap is this? My mouth was full and, of course, a well-mannered gentleman never talks with his mouth full.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
Discord: galenkp#9209
Main image courtesy of one of my brothers.
