Chasing the sun west

I haven't been feeling so great lately but no, this isn't going to be a post about how miserable I am; I'm a little flat is all - I'm human, it happens and I don't see much point in denying it - I'd rather deal with it.

I could blame this feeling on my fifty-first birthday last week but I don't give a shit that I'm fifty one because I rock it like I'm 30 so yeah, fuck age. No, it's not that, it's actually my work. Not the work per se, more the environment. The energy is poor and it's draining me no matter how hard I try to arrest the backslide. I'm a leader which makes it worse; I keep filling the bucket with the things I feel my team needs, positive culture and support, and it keeps leaking out the multiple holes punched in the base through...I don't want to say why but will say that good culture starts at the top, as does bad.

I was talking to someone yesterday about work, herself and what she has going on, how we feel and the hours both of us spend on our computers and phones came up. Needless to say it's a fair amount of time and we agreed changes were needed; That we needed to work on ourselves, nurture ourselves.

She's recently begun walking regularly, actively going out of her way to walk in addition to the other activities she does in her day. She loves walking and even though she's a spaz and forgets her water bottle at times she walks for an hour or so and has been feeling better for it.

Inspired by this lovely lady I've begun to do so myself and the images in this post are from my walk last night. The sun was low hence the colours, and I stayed here until it dipped away thinking, breathing, walking and feeling pretty relaxed and content.

I plan to do this every night; It'll get me off the computer for an hour or so, help clear my head, oxygenate my body and maybe I'll get to phone chat a little as I walk. You know, have some laughs in real-time instead of typing everything and connect with people more deeply and effectively as I walk.

I'm not totally inactive though, a glance through my posts will demonstrate that - Just somewhere along the line I ceased regular activity which is so essential for a feeling of well-being. I prioritised other things and whilst they're important so am I. I cannot be something to others if my energy-level is down and I'm feeling flat?

I'm lucky to live opposite a large recreation park on the hills-face complete with kangaroos, kookaburra's and koalas. It's also used for downhill mountain-biking, with many fast and rugged tracks snaking through the scrub, and has a huge playground and picnic area as well. There's some old ruins from the mid 1800's also and some winter-creeks. Of course, it's not winter so it's pretty dry at the moment - It'll green up though.

Like all of us I have problems, worries, concerns, fears, anxiety and stress; Sure, maybe mine is not as powerful or meaningful as others - I know many are far worse off than myself, but that doesn't negate that I feel it and that it affects me powerfully.

I work hard to manage myself, delve inside and understand what's going on, and to find a path forward. Yesterday I was chasing the sun west as it dipped away to touch other people with it's rays and it felt right: I felt right. I'll admit that I wish I could have hitched a ride on those red-gold beams of light and find myself somewhere else...But I fed my soul a little and I'll accept that for now.

We're all the same, fallible and flawed human beings, but we all find a central point in different ways, become inspired through different triggers and value different people and things. Last night I found center, found a path and followed the light...And felt better for it...All thanks to a few simple and caring words spoken by another flawed and fallible human who looked a little more deeply behind the façade I present to most...And a few steps down a path.