As an addict I can sympathize with your father's plight. As a father I can feel the turmoil and distress in the words you have written. Your heart and soul were stitched into every syllable.

I, like you. Most likely live in a world of grief. A world that once held color now so bitter and cold, frozen from the saturations of hues. Because now there is a hole within your heart, your soul.

You feel like a good failure. If I would have only done this or that. Maybe he'd still be here, maybe you'd be able to prolong his life.

But it sounds to me like an he died when your mother left. He tried his best but the pain was just to surreal. (I can only hope and pray that your ok.)

With my tortured heart and soul, and knowing the pain of of loss. Both yours and his. My heart pounds for you. For I miss my darling son, oh so much. And his mother god bless her, we split and idk if she's ok or not. But I hope she is.

Please take care of yourself, and live your life to the fullest. Because I am positive that's what will make your father smile down on you from the heavens, the most.