Is happiness all that matters?

You hear it said often enough “as long as it makes you happy…”. It could be the response to a wide variety of things. Quitting a demanding study or career to do something easier with fewer responsibilities. Getting into a relationship with someone with a questionable background. Or otherwise doing something that friends and family find questionable.

But I find that this is often an excuse to avoid the discomfort and self-doubt experienced from examining one’s life more closely. An examination that would likely unveil what's more important than happiness in the end.

The happiness trap

When we feel that we are not reaching our potential, not living up to the expectations of people we care about, or doing things that is against the norm, then it usually comes with an unpleasant feeling. After all, it makes us feel like we're not good enough or being a failure. But this failure to look objectively at ourselves and scrutinize our own decisions the same way one ought to do when making up our mind about whether someone else's actions are good or bad comes with an opportunity cost. It may instead be tempting to look at that feeling of discomfort, along with the expected difficulties and frustrations likely to be caused by the hard work necessary to take life-changing action, as “something that is not making you happy” and therefore not worth doing.

And it may be true that doing so will not make you "happy", so why do it? When putting in hard work and making significant sacrifices in life, happiness is usually not the first sensation one will feel. However, the satisfaction afterward, the snowballing motivation and inspiration of seeing effort be turned to valuable output, and the positive impact it may have on the health and comfort of ourselves and others may mean something more than simply being happy. It can improve our well-being.

I’m always conscious of when I use the word happiness compared to well-being. While happiness is a temporary feeling and emotion, wellbeing reflects a state in which there is both happiness as well as good health (physical and mental) and a sense of fulfillment and comfort in what life is like. To me, this is the true variable worth optimizing, both in our own lives and those of the people around us. Improving well-being includes increasing happiness, but not at any cost. And sometimes, avoiding what could make us feel happy short term can be necessary to improve well-being as well as make it sustainable through improved health and comfort.

Chester Bennington, the lead singer for Linkin Park who tragically put an end to his own life after years of struggling with depression, looked like he was experiencing happiness hours before his suicide. Again, suggesting how it is possible to have moments of joy, yet be in an unhealthy, unsatisfying, or worse, depressed state. It is clear to me that while Chester surely experienced a lot of happiness with family, friends, band, and fortune, he must have been suffering inside. In other words, his well-being was not where it needed to be.

Conclusion

Happiness is a necessary but insufficient condition for the good life. We need moments of it for life to be enjoyable, but only together with being healthy, feeling fulfilled, and making a positive impact on the world even if only through minor deeds of good do we find ourselves in a state of positive wellbeing. Don’t get me wrong, the purpose here is not to add pressure to how we always need to do more or commit sacrifices to be our best selves at any cost. I love to say that life fundamentally is incredibly easy, but that we’ve grown increasingly good at making it seem difficult. Most of us know deep down what we believe is right and good for us, and what we really find important to achieve. These are things we should work to accomplish, even if it’s difficult while avoiding the effort and suffering towards what’s not aligned with what we value. It’s easier than you would think.