I used to play golf.
(a most marvellous fluke)
A lot. Sadly I now can't afford to play it anymore, the cost in time and money is too great. A real pity. The costs are prohibitive in South Africa for the middle class. Even though it is cheaper in comparison to most countries it still has become too expensive for me. Costs of running a golf course are high and water is too expensive unless the course has its own boreholes.
The first time I saw golf was on the television in my teenage years. It used to televised in the old Apartheid days as due to the sports boycotts, there was not too much that was available to be shown on the local telly. It used to drive me nuts with boredom. I would pretty much do anything else in preference to watching golf.
After completing school, then compulsory military service, I found I liked playing sport for the first time in my life. (Apart from soccer, everyone likes to kick a ball around but that does not count!). I started to play a lot of squash as an enthusiastic "runner". In squash, if you can't think or control your shots too much then you must be prepared to run a lot if you want to be competitive.
I did my articles in accounting then went on a two year church mission. When I got back I left the profession and became an accountant for various manufacturing businesses. In the late 1980's my Dad discovered "mashy golf". It is where you take a couple of golf sticks (like from an eight iron, nine iron, wedge and putter) and play nine holes on a short course where each hole is a par 3. You are given three shots to sink the ball. If you do it in less, then you did fantastically well. Generally you settle for four shots to get the ball in the hole. Eventually I joined him and my youngest brother. There was a little mashie golf course near our house in Cambridge, the Cambridge Mashie Course. We used to become quite good at it and could complete the nine holes in just about under an hour. I knew nothing about how to swing a club. I will never forget the one time when I played the seventh hole, it was just over a hundred meters. I still had to use a six iron (that club was generally for about 150 meters when I got more proficient later). It was winter and the course was dry. I whacked the ball about 50 meters and the ball hopped, bounced and rolled into the hole for a "hole in one". I was stunned and just stood there while my Dad jumped up and down. I used to play the course virtually every day, even just a few holes before it became too dark, often with my Dad. I ended up getting five of those "mashy holes in one". Luckily for me there was always someone with me when I did it.
I used to share my exploits with my work colleagues. The production director kept telling me to stop playing that mickey mouse game and do the real thing (play on a proper golf course). In 1996 I decided to do just that. I joined West Bank Golf Club in East London. It was next to the ocean and you could see the sea from each of the 18 holes. It was a lovely course and there were lots of friendly fellows there. In May 1997 the unthinkable happened. On the third hole, a par three, I hit a five wood from the tee to the green. There was a slight breeze into me so I used the wood (shows what a beginner I was), the shot looked good and the ball landed on the green. I still thought to myself what I nice shot I played, I bent down to pick up my tee and all the other fellows erupted, the ball had fallen in the hole and I had a hole in one. I hadn't even seen it go in!!
I was quite anxious as I had to buy the whole club a round of drinks, I wasn't sure if my finances could handle it. I then found out that most house insurance policies have the addendum to cover a round of drinks if a hole in one is scored by the insured. My wife was annoyed that the male specie always treats themselves, to cover the cost of a round of drinks, how silly!
I got a kitbag and my ball placed on a wooden plaque above the bar. The club manager made me fill in a form and sent it off to Johnny Walker as they were sending out certificates for holes in one. It also allowed you to buy official hole in one clothing, that the public could not acquire. I bought a couple of golf shirts, a keyring and a red pullover.
(still use the old bag for squash kit)
The one old timer at the club while sitting at the bar eyed me with disdainful despair and said "I have played this game for over twenty five years, most of them as a single figure handicapper and I have never got a hole in one. Then a monkey like you comes along and after only playing golf for four months, you hit a hole in one. What an unfair game golf is!" I think there were a few colourful adjectives added that I have appropriately omitted.
I have had many wonderful experiences while playing golf. I have played with some very talented players. I now appreciate just how special the professional golfer is and how powerful their minds are; their incredible ability to handle pressure while so many people are watching them play.
I have always had a desire to win, a strong desire. Yet golf is a game where INTEGRITY is required. All is okay if you stay on the fairway, but when you go into the "rough", it is very difficult to play your next shot. you may move loose debris near the ball, but if your ball moves, you are required to take a two shot penalty. Sometimes you are where there is no-one else watching and your honesty and integrity depend solely upon yourself.
Some big businessmen like to play golf with their business associates because they can assess their integrity.
There are so many amusing characters. One fellow used to say to me "we are not playing competition, so when I get in the rough, I put a tee down and put my ball on that to play it more easily." Another fellow was a retired NATO airforce general, he used to state before the game that he would always put his golf ball on a tee before playing it.
It was interesting, annoying sometimes and on a few occasions exhilarating. But I had to stop, it was taking just too much time away from the family. What never bothered me in the beginning of my marriage made me feel too guilty
afterwards. I must say that my wife never complained, I suppose she enjoyed having a bit of a break from me. I still look at golf courses with fondness as I ride past them today, maybe one day I will get to take the old clubs out and dust them off for a round but we shall see.
