How these animals can stay on their feet after a heroic dose of what is one of the world's most potent psychedelics, and a semi potent neurotoxin to boot, is a question seldom asked that is completely beyond me and the scope of this article. What I'm here to tell you is that our animals are eating all the dope amanitas themselves and leaving none for us! Foxes have been trippin, reindeer, horses, squirrels, and perhaps every other animal except for you. But don't go eating amanitas and come crying back to me after you've fractured your timeline thinking it was all just gonna be fun and games. I'm just as jealous as you, or that magpie back there, but these animals are hardcore, man. One can't even begin to fathom the peaks of awareness and plains of existence these creatures have explored, man. Look at this horse: it ate so many amanitas it turned into a reindeer
So what are we to do? Join in the fun? Of course not, as human beings we are the gardners and cultivators of the world, and we need to teach our animals how to live disciplined and balanced lives. We have to show them with our good behavior that there is more to the world than getting high on some dank agarics. Sure, they might be able to analyze our mind from a higher dimension in what to us would seem like the perspective of a God, but look how fury they are. Plus they only live to be like twenty so they are all basically just kids and overgrown teenagers who have no idea what to do with their lives. Just keep doing you Reindeer!
Upvote if you think animal control should instate a D.A.R.E. program.
Where do you stand on animal drug abuse?
Because it turns out he loves em too! Where do you think he got the idea for his red suit? And where do you think he found all the flying reindeer? Eating amanitas under the christmas trees of course! Santa used to be a shaman, bringing gifts of knowledge to all the good people of the world. When the economy changed and America became more industrialized the concept of The American Dream was born, and everyone wanted things instead of knowledge. So Santa resolved to enslave an entire race of subhuman elves to do his bidding, and now maintains toy factories throughout central locations around the globe. Establishing bases with the American Military Industrial Complex so the children in the middle east can have nutcrackers, plastic trains, etc...
They'll find you! Foxes have been approaching cars on freeways, random pedestrians, and passerbys looking for a worthy disciple. So far all we've gotten are some hilarious news articles and a call for clean up on aisle I-15. Perhaps you could be the person to continue the lineage into the new era! Any time you see a high animal make sure to speak with it. Who knows, that wandering stray dog that nobody owns could be waiting for just such an opportunity!
