It's Sunday evening about 2153 hours and i had just put out my joint to retire to my bed. It was just another Sunday for me, i did not attend service and it has been like this for some months now, not that i tried to change that except i miss the fellowship and meeting people. I had crashed my best chance to get freedom, so i decided to jot things down and do some constructive meditation. The one question that keeps coming to my mind is why do I need freedom so bad, and what do I want to be free from.
After my last birthday i made a silent promise that this was going to be my last year living with my mum and older siblings, which entails feeding myself and being able to afford my own luxury, which isnt really easy in my country. This was the December of 2022 and almost half way into the year, here i am still looking for how to afford accommodation and the rest of it.
Being an adult isnt easy, so much is expected and in an attempt to meet these expectations, one might get into depression and despair.
I lay there staring into the darkness and feeling so much anger, anger at myself for how i had handled my life's choices in the past few years and i wasn't really proud of it. But these were decades back, why haven't i moved on from this pain nay heal from the pain and learn. I guess it is not enough to know WHAT TO DO, you still need to go ahead and do it. Do it to proof yourself right and let it remind anyone who thought it can't be done.
Away from my sorrows to why i decided to share this with my hive community.
Bravery is being able to face your fears every time you open your eyes and even when it's closed. Adulthood is taking responsibility for both your actions, re-actions and inactions, cowardice is a form of immaturity (my opinion though, you have a right to yours).
Getting an accommodation in the city independently is the freedom i earnestly desire, to be able to control 90% of how i spend my time and have a space all to myself is not just freedom it is a necessity. Now i can boldly say that im 75% ready to move in my place a!d the rest is just the uncertainty of how the coming months is going to be.
Lastly i am to proud of my community of stoners in the ecency wnd friends that have embraced my peculiarities and uniqueness till i write again do have a nice june and stay hydrated
