I was strolling through the kitchen like a champion until my flat rubber soles hit a microscopic, thin strip of water on the wet tiles and suddenly I was aquaplaning into another dimension.
My trusty thongs completely betrayed me, turning into a pair of high-speed jet skis as my feet lost all connection with the earth.
Time literally slowed down into a cinematic masterpiece.
My arms started windmill-spinning like a broken helicopter.
My core locked up in survival mode.
And my life flashed right before my eyes over a two-milliliter puddle.
I didn't actually go down, but the sheer adrenaline spike of that near-death experience aged me by about five years.
Forcing me to stand completely still for a full minute to reclaim my dignity and reassess my priorities in life.
Best of probabilities to you.
Dane.