Today afternoon after work I went for a walk at the Lake to inhale the beautiful nature there. I need this at the moment since I have some bad thoughs about myself and a low self esteem at the moment. I am looking for a girl to spend my life with but I am having trouble finding the right one. But I am on track finding out why it didn't work in my past relationships and why I have a bit of a fear of woman. I will try some new things to fight this fear and now since I know that probably my relationship to my mother might be a problem regarding the preassure to adapt to meet her expectations. Now when I approach a woman there is still this old preassure to adapt burried deep inside me that keeps me from showing my male energy. At least this is what I think my problem is.
I am thoughtfull and quiet usually and this is also somthing that makes it more difficult to convince a woman. I already had several relationships most of them rather short and at the moment I am trying to find out why they didn't work out.
Long walks around a lake or in the nature are perfekt for reflecting and thinking about these thoughts.