These days it has been hard to keep up the creation of content for the blockchain. Something just doesn't seem right about the way I'm doing things and also I have been very impatient as to reading others and valuing their work. This month I attempted to pay my bills through my Steem rewards and I was able to do it, though barely.
I must admit it's kind of disappointing though to work a whole month on a daily basis, to receive only enough to pay the bills and not even have enough for a at least couple of beers. I suppose that is part of what has me down but I also have to recognize that the first half of the month I invested all my rewards in different passive incomes. So my whining is unjustified, only I can't yet see the fruit of my actions and watching a tree grow is no easy feat.
So I've been thinking and thinking on how to keep things fresh. How to make this month feel great despite how much I post and how much time I dedicate to Steem. Because my main problem isn't Steem itself, but rather spending so many hours in front of a computer... either writing a million drafts that won't be published or researching material to make one of those well-done posts that take tons of hours to make and that get less rewards than a lot of the other posts.
Being in front of a computer isn't the way I picture of how it would be great to spend a lifetime, that's for sure. But my options are either doing this or getting a job. I'm growing my own food, I am setting the foundations for a better tomorrow free from the claws of capitalism, but it all takes TIME. So much TIME, and my patience just starts to thin out.
So my panacea for this disease is to give things another focus. Instead of seeing myself as someone who is "sitting in front of a computer", I will choose to see myself as someone who is passionately writing his heart out and not giving a fuck about the results of it. Just plain honest writing with few filters other than a respect for my fellow humans who might read this.
I suppose this is more like when I started on Steem. I had no idea about tribes or communities so I just wrote what came to mind without any regard for what the rewards or reactions would be. In time I started seeing that partaking in communities could help me focus on what I wanted in life. Later I begin to see economic rewards rising and I got used to that. Whenever those economic rewards didn't come it would fuck up my ego so much that I started getting the idea to stop making content.
But I just watched a video from 
So my resolution is this, to speak out my truth in the most fluent of manners, just enjoying this expression and all that might mean. No worries, just keep it going.
I have been worrying too much on making content that fits into communities, that doesn't contradict the previous versions I have built of myself and overall protecting an ego that no one gives a shit about except for itself. So fuck that ego, I'm not an eco-warrior, I'm not a natural medicine person, I'm not a permacultor, I'm not a writer, I'm not a spiritually developed soul, I'm absolutely nothing.
And as the absolute nothing I am, I have every right to do everything.
This gives me the right to say publicly to say FUCK STEEM. And yes I want/need/desire money and more Steem Power, and more liquid Steem and all that crazy shit. But I also wish to go tell it all to fuck itself and let me be the most authentic version of myself. To enjoy writing with absolute freedom.
Because let's be honest. A social media that offers rewards is kind of telling you to seek the approval of others so that they will give you their votes. And that is just plain, absolute crap. I HAVE JUST FUCKING SPENT A WHOLE MONTH OF MY LIFE SEEKING THE APPROVAL OF OTHERS.
And I'm done with it. Maybe some will come to love my honesty here, some will hate it. Whatever, let it all come. Right now I'm fucking bullet-proof.
Done. Love you all.
P.d. I will be publishing a shit ton more content because I will stop filtering out those that might not be approved by the community.