What a week, for fuck sake... what a week. I hadn't been so suicidal since I was 16 and my girlfriend cheated on me right in front of my face. Next day my parents divorced and I saw the world I believed to be eternally true shatter appart. For some reason that wasn't enough to kill my romanticism and go into painful relationships once and over again to repeat the same patterns that I integrated as a child in a dysfunctional family.
Families are under heavy questioning these days. At least the christian - patriarchal concept of family, where the biological parents and biological children look out for each other, willing to go to rather toxic extremes of submission and/or confrontation with the rest of the world to keep shit together in that core.
Honestly, I don't find that so bad. Some really aware beings have said to me that the traditional family puts us in small cells, dividing us from the rest of society. I don't disagree entirely with that, but I think we are divided more because of our egos than because of any of society's structures. How do we expect to unite as a humanity if we can't do it as a small group? Maybe families are the 101 of the Human Harmony course.
But I'm ok with each individual going in whatever direction they wish. Because freedom and free will are worth having and protecting. No fun in keeping a group united if each one has interests elsewhere. Unless, of course, you wished to experience devotion. Devotion is like giving up your freedom by your own free will. Makes your head crack, right? Can't ever experience devotion through the rational mind.
I usually experience devotion towards Mother Earth, I feel it is easier to put aside my pride and kneel with profound humility when I honor the soil beneath my feet. I'm not saying it's the only entity towards which I feel admiration and worthiness, but it's the one who's easiest for me to accept and allow free passage through my spiritual essence.
Resistance is a very interesting concept in that sense. When we understand capitalism as a paradigm that leads to unbalanced predation of the vitality of this planet, all people who do an effort to swim the other way enter a state of resistance, whether it's what they want or not. Devotion is opposite to resistance, yet, showing devotion to Earth is to resist capitalism.
There are many other entities who resist capitalism, even Christ. Krishna and Buddha are anticapitalists as well. You can't buy a Krishna state of consciousness, nor a Buddha or a Christ one for that matter. It's only gained when you take attention of the essence of experiences, not their commercial value. And just as you can gain it, you can lose it. Because ego likes to compare numbers. It feels happier when numbers are on the rise and frustrated when they are going down. It's incapable of valuing the experience of Life without parameters on which to compare.
Well, I started this post saying I was feeling suicidal. I've been having a really hard time motivating myself with anything, but today my friend 
I wanted to leave the shelter. To go for a walk and never return to the past. I might do it, I might not. I talked with my mother about my depressive state of being and she said I should live with her for a while. But I can't. Because I honor my warrior ancestors and we are strong, and proud. So either I stay in the shelter or take the walk, but hiding under the mother's armpit isn't a choice anymore. I've come too far, made too many sacrifices to go into little chicken mode.
So there goes family. Can't stay sheltered in it forever. She did say something that made sense though: she told me to close the shelter episode before I left, to not leave running or everything would just become a ghost haunting me. And she's right about that, I've lived it before. I've ran from Life, and Life has chased me like a laughing jester all the way through.
A nice inspiration on how to actually do "close" the shelter episode came today as I walked towards the forest. I remembered I wanted to gather large amounts of lichens and place them all around the walls and ceiling so that they would absorb moisture and make things look better, also might keep in some warmth. I've already begun doing this labor which has been exactly what I needed as it makes me walk all around the forest, including places I've never been to.
Pictures of the trees or lichens first? Hard question, let's start with a mushroom hahaha 馃ぃ
No idea what name has been given to this fellow but it is one of the strangest mushrooms I've seen around here.
I really enjoyed this scenario, magical, enchanting, reminds me of what I like about living in the forest.
Ok, the lichens! These were the collected ones, mainly those that could fill up areas and gaps of the hut:
This one is actually not a lichen, it's a parasite plant called Misodendron. It doesn't kill it's host but weakens the branches it's on. Probably the one I found more abundantly and took more of to the shelter.
The lichen below is called Payun Mongu茅n by the Mapuche people (natives of Chile) and Protousnea poeppigii by the scientific community. It has proven to have antimicrobial properties due to the presence of usnic acid, much like usnea barbata. The common name given to it is "old man's beard".
I've already started placing all my foraged material here and there but I ran out of light before I took any pictures. I think I'll start a marathon of posts where I'll show my daily progress covering the hut with lichens. Should be fun ;)
Some more mushrooms, paneolus semiovatus in this case. These are supposed to be psychoactive but I don't know the dose. Also, it depends on their location whether they're active or not. I ate four of them since I was walking around on an empty stomach and got some slight feelings of drunkenness.
Finally some trametes versicolor, known as turkey tail mushroom, which is a great immune-booster :
Hope you enjoyed the ride 馃挌 I'll be trying to do as frequent updates as I can while I cover up the shelter, stay tuned!
