that “happily ever after” are not words that we can relate
to real life relationships. No matter how in love you are
and how compatible you are with your man it’s impossible
that you would always see eye to eye on all matters.
#FactsOfLife! Even so, there is an art to arguing or putting your
point of difference across to your man without ruining the
relationship.
Look, I know this part is difficult, especially if
you feel as though you’re correct or you feel as though you’re being treated unfairly. Trust me: take a deep breath, hold it, let it out slowly. Let your heart rate slow a little before you speak. If you absolutely need to, tell your partner that you need to cool off for a moment, exit the scene, take a few minutes to calm the fuck down before you get back in there and continue in a reasonable manner. It’s easier to fight properly when you can keep your wits about you. If you can’t… well, I hope your couch is comfy.
Let’s start by first establishing what an argument is not! First
of all the aim of an argument is not to humiliate the other person.
It is also not aimed at making him feel guilty or to get an
opportunity to tell him about all the other things he has been
doing to you that has been cheesing you off!
AN ARGUMENT IS MEANT TO BE A DISCUSSION THAT ALLOWS
YOU TO CONVINCE A PERSON ABOUT A SINGLE POINT
The two basic rules in progressive argument is that you maintain
a sense of friendship or endearment to the other persons
unconscious and that you want to win your argument without
provoking your man into starting a war with you. Understood?
Don’t forget that your man still needs to like himself even
though you are having an argument and that he needs to feel
like he is a good person. Don’t start arguments with inflaming
words like “you always…” it makes the other person feel inferior oor always at fault.
It is also very important not to use an argument to make
the other feel guilty or pity for you as it has a way of backfiring
on you. Watch the words you use when you argue
with your man. Men have a very clever way of using our
words against us when it is convenient for them.
Don’t speak from a place of anger it never gets you
what you want. For instance, if you wanted your
boss to give you a promotion you would have a conversation
with him in which you accuse him of being
a user that does not appreciate hard work. Instead
you would gather evidence that shows him that you
are indeed worthy of a promotion. You should use this
same strategy when you are trying to convince your man
to give you something that you would like say, more time
for instance.
Instead of accusing him of being a cheat,
lying no-good your best bet would be to let him know
that you enjoy spending time with him and let him
know that you would like to spend more of such memorable
times with him. Don’t forget to let your man know
how he would benefit what you are proposing. No sane
human being will turn down an opportunity that is of benefit
to them.
Have you noticed how you bring up a point to discuss with your
man and a few sentences in to the conversation he distracts your
point and he starts bringing up other unrelated issues to the conversation
you are having with him? Before you know it you have
discussed everything under the sun that has no bearings on the
point you were trying to make. Well the key here is to be clear on
what your real issue is and keep him on track with the conversation.
Make your point clear without letting your emotions get the
best of you and getting distracted with other issues he tried to
use to evade your point. Say something like this “sweetie can we
please stay on topic? I would really like some clarity on this” Make
your point quickly don’t let your argument linger, be firm but
sweet. Men have very short attention spans so try not to let an
argument drag beyond 5 minutes. So that your man knows he is
not under attack try and be somewhat loving to him when you
fight say things that assure him that you are not out for blood like
“sweetie hang on let me explain” not “you are interrupting me I
hate it when you do that!”.
Also, maintain some body contact like
keeping your hand on his knee or touching his hands periodically
so that he knows are not starting world war 3!
Talking about arguing in love try and make him feel special don’t
go crazy and say things like “ you men are all the same, selfish
and self-centred” how about you try something like “I just
thought I’d bring it up because its rather out of character – you
are normally very considerate”
Another thing that makes men distance themselves from women
during an argument is when they turn up with supporters and
make inflamed statements like “even my friends said you were
wrong” or worst still involve other people in the argument for
back up. Don’t bring up your personal issues in public to get support
and say things like “Ehen… Ana does katie
when you call him in the office? …because that’s what smith
does to me !” It’s wrong and makes your man feel like you are
criticising him publicly. It’s not cool! Try not to compare your
man to other men to his face – even if you think it.
Try not to analyse him when you bring up your point. Don’t say
things like “eh, the reason why you think the world should
revolve around you is because your mother and sisters have spoilt
you!” Haba!! Don’t do it! No man wants to think you can see
right through him it is a man’s makeup to believe he is always in
control. Let him believe so it won’t kill you!
Last but not least don’t use your man’s weakness against him. If
he has confided in you and shared some of his vulnerabilities or
short comings with you don’t use it against him in an argument.
Bite your tongue and resist the urge to blurt out “…eh that’s why
you are having problems with your colleagues at work – it’s the
same stubbornness we are talking about!” Not cool doll
Finally, it would do you good to understand that after an argument
most men need time alone. Depending on the type of guy
this can go from a few hours to a few days. Give him some space
and let him go and think things through. He’ll come back when
he is ready.
