Growing up, I witnessed girls fighting girls more than they fought boys. Women quarrelling with women.
And the amusing thing is:as witnesses, we would later realize the fight was over something as trivial as an algae.
It made me believe what my mom always said: "God forbid I keep a female friend."
When I asked her why, she warned me. "Women backbite. They are poisonous. They are hardly satisfied with what they have."
And for a while, I saw some truth in it. Especially the "satisfaction" part. I watched admiration turn to jealousy, and jealousy turn to dislike.
However,my mom's perspective had no impact on me; how would it!! when our home is full of women. I grew up in an almost all-girls environment. I went to an all-girls' high school.
And unlike my mom, I found female-to-female relationships to be the safest, most honest ones I have.
WHY?
Because some conversations only make sense with a woman
I can shamelessly tell a girl in the lecture hall, "My period just spontaneously started, please help me get pads."
I can ask a girl, "My first time wasn’t pleasurable. Is that normal? How do I go about it?"
I can tell a lady, "I like this guy. What do you think?"
That comfort is priceless. And,my female friends are the best friends one could ever boast of.
SO WHY DO SOME GIRLS STRUGGLE TO KEEP FEMALE FRIENDSHIPS?
I don’t think we should blame them.
Most of us can not because of our blue print behind female based relationship— what we heard, saw, and experienced. Just like my mom.
She once had a best friend in her twenties. Same name, same vibe. But,everything changed when her friend slept with her boyfriend and dated him.
Hence, that experience reshaped her view on a female-to-female relationship
NEVERTHELESS, DESPITE THE NEGATIVE STORIES, I BELIEVE THAT HEALTHY FEMALE RELATIONSHIP CAN BE BUILT INTENTIONALLY. HOW?
BE SINCERE ABOUT WHO YOU ARE
How we present ourselves from the onset of every relationship sets the tone.
If you tell a woman you come from a wealthy family and "nothing is beyond your reach," she will expect you to show up that way at all times, like;paying the transport fare,buying the snacks and even contributing more for the pool party.
STATE YOUR BOUNDARIES EARLY
Many people think 21st century women have no boundaries. While,I shall debunk that. We do!! "Don’t use my soap. Don’t touch my phone. Don’t body-shame me." At the early stave of your friendship,state what you do not like or feel convenient with.
Don’t wait until you explode. There is nothing that helps build a healthy relationship that setting boundaries
WALK AWAY FROM WHAT DRAINS YOU
Two years ago, I became close with a girl in my church choir. She was talented and became our teens choir leader.
But she found joy in body-shaming people — including me who is "wonderfully and beautifully made." I realized then that if I ever want to keep a peaceful and healthy female relationship, I do not need to be in an abusing one. So we separated. And that was okay. Just like me,many women hate such friendship in where they are constantly painted ugly.
DON'T BE THE DRAIN YOURSELF
There is a saying in the bible "do to others as you would have them do to you." Girls are considered to be very if not over emotional. So,as a girl,don't do to your fellow gender what you know if it is done to you would shatter you or change you for the bad. You don't like when you are being body shamed ?Don't do it to your friend!You don't share your clothes because you are scared of contacting contagious body inflammation? Then, don't use someone else's clothe especially without their consent.
Female friendship is literary not "lesbianism" neither is it perfect just like every other relationship isn't. But it’s not poison either.
It can be serene,healing,sisterhood and purpose.
Now,what is your expriences with female friendship? Have you had one that healed or hurt you? Lets talk in the comments