Well, ok I’m not superman but I did once dress up as him one Halloween. I know what your thinking “what’s Superman got to do with Halloween?”. Trust me, I was asked the same thing at the time but I like to be different and break the unwritten rules of society.
So all dressed up and ready to party, we went to the top night club for a fancy dress night and as Clark Kent did not design pockets into his suit I handed my wallet to my cousin.
4 pints later I was looking for my wallet, convinced that I had lost it. That put me in a bad mood as if I was subjected to red Kryptonite and I stormed out of the club and started walking home.
While stomping my way through the town centre, 2 guys made a passing comment in which I took offence. So I walked up to one of the guys and asked him if he had something to say to my face. This then lead to a fist fight between me (Superman), Freddy Crougar and Michael Myers.
I didn’t stick around long enough to see if I would of won but 10 minutes down the road I was pulled over by the police who asked me where I was going and turning to them with a bloody nose they laughed and said they had seen the fight on CCTV and I had made their night.
When i was a young whipper-snapper I had my own doll called My Buddy. The reason I liked this doll so much is that it looked exactly like I did. I took him everywhere with me for years. That is until one day when I had left him at home due to him having chicken pox ( or red dots drawn on with felt pen) and my sisters had decided to play with him outside and lost him.
I searched for days only to find him torn to pieces in a neighbours garden by their dogs.
But revenge was best served cold as when I got home I took all of my sisters barbie dolls and tide string around there necks whilst launching them around the over head telephone lines, thus hanging 30feet in the air over our street like a mass execution.
Many people have dressed as the opposite sex and for many reasons. Curiosity, disguising, playing a role. But for me it was for purely entertainment value.
I once dressed up as an old lady to entertain a campsite in Spain. Then again I found myself in women’s entire when I entered a contest on holiday and had to swap clothes with a female and recently when I was in Butlins for an 80’s weekend and dressed as Freddy Mercury from I want to break free.
But the most embarrassing time was when I got drunk and decided that it was a good idea to model some girly things for the party guests.
They loved it and soon I was strutting my tosh all around the kitchen. That was until( as I’m gyrating the fridge door) my aunty walks in the room. Surely enough I remembered that I had balls as they where now lodged in my throat.
So there you go!
Wether it’s fighting crime, public hangings or finding out I’m a better looking female than a male, you all know me a lot more than before.
