Many women believe that all men are assholes, which is as wrong as men thinking that all women are selfish. (For men who believe the latter, I recommend this podcast episode.) If people believe in these monolithic constructs, then they have been abused by the opposite sex or by a parent. In this case, it could be the father abusing the mother or the parent directly abusing the mother. A woman with a bad mother will choose a man to abuse her, because sometimes it is the caregiver who abuses her. This is not because she has been abused by a male caregiver, but because she has learned not to trust love in general and men are the objects of love. These girls (and boys, although in this article we are talking about women) who were abused in their childhood tend to tell stories about their abusive partners and have friends with similar worldviews. You tend to get a lot of 'evidence' that their views are correct. This is called confirmation bias and is a well-known phenomenon in psychology.
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Women who are attracted to difficult or selfish male partners are often stunned and outraged by evidence that there are women in the world who are "treated like princesses" by their boyfriends and husbands. To reduce this dissonance, they keep the world in their comfort zone of good and bad, thinking that women who are treated well are somehow bad. They call these women "spoiled" or "selfish" and become more allied with men who give "selflessly" to these "unappreciative" women. You can continue to see the world in the black and white terms you have been taught.
There are victims and selfish people in every relationship.
Of course, in reality, most of the women who are treated "like princesses" are loving people who give love to their husbands and then reciprocate love back to their husbands. Posting on social media is more common than sharing that you gave him a blow job, but in my experience, well-treated women treat their husbands well. Yes, women with a victim-perpetrator ideology may believe that women are somehow exploiting men when they see themselves being treated well. They are unlikely to believe the simplest explanation that both spouses are happy couples who care for each other.
Obviously, there are cases where a man has an obsession and a woman treats him better than him. But these are much rarer than the more common situations where spouses treat each other well, after all, most people are securely attached to each other, which leads to happy, mutually supportive relationships. So how can you find a man who treats you well, especially if he has missed you in the past?
