We can make additions or subtractions in the adventure of life
About a month ago I was talking to a friend about dating. We talked about using lists to create quality relationships. The concept is very simple. Sitting down and making a list can help you identify what's important to you and what's a deal breaker.
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So I sat down, wrote it down, and started thinking about all my past relationships and my current relationships. The problem with not considering our own needs is that we give up all our own needs in order to compromise and conform to our values and desires. I feel It fosters resentment and breaks trust in the relationship.
How can you look like yourself when you can't be yourself?
Try to hide those deeper, unconscious feelings. When they do, they often ruin relationships.
Imagine going to the store without a list. What we naturally do is buy things based on whether we are hungry or not. It's easy to buy things you don't actually need and forget what you bought in the first place.
Let's be honest. We don't make lists of what we don't want at the grocery store. Your list should be driven by positive intentions and what you do and don't want to do.
The list is much longer than it is, but I wrote it very consciously of what I wrote. Born out of understanding, it's almost impossible to make a list of your partner's qualities if you don't know who you are. Nothing on the list should be something you are fenced off. Like the desire for family and marriage. Think about the role deal breakers play in building your list. This is a great exercise for asking or assessing what you really want and what matters most.
As we venture through life, we can even add and subtract. As I said, if I was 20 years old, I would have created a completely different list. This experience definitely shaped the content of my list. Stepping into the dating world gives me the opportunity to examine myself what qualities I prefer in a partner.As a result, I can't really get involved with my feelings. Rather, it gives us a benchmark of how a relationship is progressing or when we stumble upon new possibilities. The importance of lists also has to do with why many relationships fail. There is a lot of excitement in the early stages of attachment, and we may ignore checked behavior in the name of getting to know the person. We all do our best and discuss the value of our opinions. It sounds great, but in reality, you may find that potential partners aren't who they think they are.
They may want to be that person, but that's not always what we experience. After investing in them and forming a connection or relationship, most people tend to maintain the relationship in hopes that their partner's original perception of them will emerge in some way.
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A list will get you going faster than a bad connection and save you a lot of trauma and heartache.
With practice, the list can help you become more realistic about what your values are prioritizing. In other words, don't waste your time on people who don't bring home bacon. And no one really wants to waste time.