In every relationship, whether marriage, friendship, or family, perfection does not exist. People will make mistakes. Sometimes, they will hurt us — not always with actions, but often with words.
In my own marriage, there have been moments when my husband hurt my feelings. Maybe for him, they were nothing — just casual remarks, perhaps even unintentional. But for me, they left a mark. If I had refused to forgive him for every small or big emotional wound, I doubt we would have reached 39 years together.
I don’t forgive him just because I love him. I don’t forgive only because I want to keep our marriage intact. I choose to forgive because I want to protect myself from being broken inside. Unforgiveness is not neutral; it is destructive. If I let anger and grudges linger, they would dwell in my heart and slowly eat away at my peace — like termites silently devouring the foundation of a home.
Forgiving Others — and Ourselves
Forgiving is not something we give only to others; it’s also something we must learn to give to ourselves.
We all make mistakes. There are times when we unintentionally hurt or offend someone else. We may say or do something that causes them pain, even if we never meant to. And when we realize it, guilt creeps in. We replay the moment in our minds, wishing we could undo it. That guilt can linger for days, months, or even years, robbing us of peace and rest.
If we don’t forgive ourselves, the weight of guilt will keep us in chains. Sleepless nights, restlessness, and even self-condemnation will follow. Self-forgiveness is not about denying our mistakes; it’s about acknowledging them, making amends when possible, and then choosing to release ourselves from the prison of our own judgment.
Forgiveness — whether for others or for ourselves — is necessary for wholeness, harmony, and peace.
The Challenge of Forgetting
Whether we see forgiveness as an obligation or a choice, forgetting is always a process. It takes time, and it’s not as simple as pressing a “delete” button in our minds.
Even after forgiving, our memories sometimes replay the hurt like a defense mechanism — a way of warning us not to get hurt the same way again. But while remembering can protect us, holding on to the pain will only slow down our healing.
To speed up the process, we must resist the urge to harbor the past. This does not mean ignoring lessons learned, but it does mean refusing to keep the wound open. Let the scar remain as a reminder, but not as an open injury.
And yes, this is where I believe divine intervention is vital. Healing from deep emotional hurt is not just a matter of willpower; it’s a matter of grace. Prayer and faith can help us release the pain that our minds want to replay. God has the power to take what feels heavy and turn it into peace that surpasses understanding.
Forgiving is more than an obligation; it is a conscious act of self-preservation. Forgetting may be optional, but it is part of the journey to full healing.
We forgive to free ourselves from the weight of resentment. We forget — or at least, we let the pain fade — to truly move forward. Whether in marriage, friendships, or family, these choices will determine not only the quality of our relationships but also the health of our hearts.
After all, the person who benefits most from forgiveness is not always the one we forgive — but ourselves.
These are my personal reflections and convictions, shaped by my own life experiences and faith. I understand we may have different beliefs, but I hope this still offers something meaningful for your own journey.
Thank you for taking the time to read 😊
*All photos are mine"
