What is more important to you - to be right or happy in a relationship?
Be right.
End of the post.
No, I'm serious. It is impossible to think of a more manipulative phrase. I translate into human language: if some shit happens, and you know for sure that it is shit, then instead of saying: "hey, you don't need this!", you just need to come to terms with it and imagine that it is, for example , Apple pie. It is then that this situation will stop bothering you and you will immediately become happier inhaling this delicate apple aroma.
Guys, this doesn't smell like APPLE.
It smells like a nervous breakdown. Blurred personal boundaries, co-addiction, loss of orientation and complete emotional helplessness.
These are not apples, this is some kind of shit!
It is impossible to build a harmonious relationship by constantly trampling yourself in the mud. And life will definitely teach you the next lesson.
Illustration by Anton Gudim
"Working on relationships" is not only about constantly giving in, making compromises, admitting your mistakes and trying in every possible way to "adjust" to your partner.
Talking openly about your needs is also working on relationships, signal border violations, explain why certain things are unacceptable to you.
Yes, admitting that you are wrong is a very important thing. But admitting that you are right is equally important in any relationship.
“No, what you did is unacceptable, very painful, and it is humiliating for me now to hear that my reaction is inadequate for you. My reaction is adequate, because these are my boundaries, and you have violated them. So let's now think about how to get out of this situation, while minimizing the damage."
And this is also work on relationships. No less important than: "I am always ready to support you, listen and understand."
Because a healthy person has boundaries, needs, wants, taboos, and a general sense of common sense. If you break all this in order to throw your great love into the fire, then there will be no living person. The burnt coal will remain, but the person will not.
So if you're forced to choose between being right or being happy, choose to be right. You can't be happy without it.