See also: big dick energy
I’ve never considered myself to be particularly hot, good looking or beautiful, but I do know I have my moments. I’ve always admired and been jealous of people who exude effortless beauty and confidence. You know those annoying fucking people who can be woken up after a night of binge drinking and dragged outside in a moments notice and they still manage to look hot. I want that for myself! Fine, I’ll settle for 8- on a good day without putting on a pound of makeup and I’ll fill in the rest with my humour and smarts.
I’ve always been quite confident about my body and never shied away from putting on a bikini and heading to the beach. My face, that’s a different story and I’ve struggles with my skin for pretty much my whole life.
For years and years, I’ve used my body as the conversation starter and to make people think I’m hot. Men are so easy to fool by showing a bit of skin, it’s ridiculous. Sexyness is so much more than a body and I think if you carry yourself well, you can be pretty damn hot even if you are not classically beautiful or handsome. I’m a hypocrite in this as I struggle with my looks a lot and I’m always working towards feeling great in my skin, and for me that is about fixing the outside to feel good on the inside.
I’m quite desensitised to people’s opinions about me and my looks, especially on the internet, because I know I am a master manipulator in the self portrait department, with over 10 years of experience. I know how to mask myself, paint with light, hide in the shadows, style myself and use the best angles and of course Photoshop to make myself look so much hotter than what I actually am. It’s been a calculated decision from my part even though I know it’s been destructive for my confidence because I know the truth. I feel like I need to put a disclaimer under my pictures in case someone meets me in real life.
I recently turned 29 and I feel more confident now than I have in long long time, maybe ever. Sure it’s partly to do with the confidence that comes with age but it’s more to do with how I’ve managed to work on my skin and some other stuff to make me look more like what I want to look. Looks matter to me quite a lot, and most of all my own look.
My aim is to look good and feel confident without all the smoke and mirrors, no crazy make up, no distracting with my body. I’m well on my way to that and feel pretty darn excited about that. Worrying and trying to fix your own appearance is exhausting! And don’t come at me with that “LoOks dOn’T MatTer” bullshit. I care about how I look and I like to take good care of myself and be the best me.