365, times 2, plus some change. That's how many days I got the privilege to enjoy an incredible amount of freedom. And that's just about all I had. Which is more than a lot of people even dare to dream of.
I never ever took my freedom for granted, not a single day. It came at a price, a price I was willing to pay, for a time, and it was what I needed for my health and sanity.
At some point though, it started to feel like too much freedom, which in my case was self inflicted isolation really, was too much of a good thing. I needed a reason to wake up and leave the ivory tower. It took me a really long time to figure out what that something would be.
I was not willing to give up my freedom just for anything. The benefits would have to out-weight the cost.
When I finally did saw something I felt like could work for me, everything fell into place pretty quickly. I applied for school, got called for an interview and then accepted the next day. Few weeks later and I'm now a student of photography.
I have a reason to get up, get dressed, put on a game face, and go learn more about the thing I already love.
At the moment it feels really good to be forced to leave the house, but I'm sure at some point I will hate it with everything I have. I've had the privilege to sleep in when ever I have wanted to, eat and drink when I wanted to, work on pictures throughout the night, or not even pick up a camera in days if I wasn't inspired. If I was sick or it was that-time-of-the-month, I could skip the whole day and just lay in bed. Now there is the possibility that I will have a really shitty day and I will still have to human, that gives me a bit of anxiety.
Luckily, I have made a great choice in school and we don't have what they call contact days more than three per week, and not even every week. I still get to have my freedom for a lot of the time, and also feel like I have a life when I'm in school and socialising with the people in there.
