Hey peeps,
I'm in the mood for a little freewrite. Afterwards I'll go take a little nap. I know it's only 7.50 am as I'm typing this, but the struggle is real!
So motherhood is only 6 weeks away (actually closer to 5), and the pressure is building up for myself and 
I'm still able to ignore the stress quite a bit - after all over a month still seems like a long time to buy diapers and prep the hospital suitcase - but people around me keep reminding me how fast time flies and won't allow me to forget. Especially our moms. They are champions at making the wait more stressful. Of course they don't mean to (I know both only have the best of intentions for us and are simply getting excited), but the constant questions about whether "everything is ready" and parenting advice before there is even a baby in this world do stress me out a little. And the only thing I want to think about right now is eat and rest (literally!)
I'm personally quite good at coping with stress. I know how to block negative feelings out and be calm about things. I have more of a it's going to be fine mentality, whereas my other half is definitely more of the worrying type. It's not that I'm not stressed or a control freak myself (I can be very controlling too), but I think I have my fears better under control, and I also don't allow myself to become too troubled or nervous because the baby can feel it.
Yesterday my hubs shared some of his insecurities with me about becoming a father, and it's the first time that I see him unsure of what will happen. He's usually the one reassuring me about life in general, so seeing him having doubts or fears is new to me and quite unsettling.
I'm sure it's completely normal though, and I bet every first time parent has felt this way about such a huge new responsibility.
After all, we're not getting another puppy, we're getting a human!
Which parent doesn't wonder whether they are up to the task, whether they will be able to make sure their baby is safe (dude, SIDS - or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome - is no joke and scares the shit out of me!), whether our baby will be smart, healthy, a good eater and sleeper (I'm the one really hoping for this part), etc.
So many questions pop up in our minds. How long until the baby can sleep in his own room, how will the feedings work, will our pets react well to his arrival home, will I have enough patience when he cries and I can't figure out why, which university will he go to (ok, ok I'm getting ahead of myself)...
I don't feel the excitement some mothers say they feel when they're about to give birth. Everyone seems to ask me this question:
Are you excited? No man, I'm scared!
I feel curiosity and anxious of course, but not whatever other people seem to expect me to feel. I can't wait to see what he will look like and how I will feel once I hold him in my arms, yes, but to pretend that I'm already so in love with him would not be true. I don't mind being honest about this, because I know many moms have felt this way. After all, I don't know my son yet and we will only meet in June =). Of course I will love him, but for now he's somehow still not 100% real in my mind despite the constant kicks in my ribs.
It annoys me when other moms pretend that everything about being a mother is picture perfect. Who are they kidding?It's like these women who say pregnancy is awesome...well I'm sorry but it's not. It's uncomfortable as hell, even if mother nature has prepared our bodies for this purpose. I can do this, yes of course, but is it fun? Not so much LOL. All I know is that I have so much more respect for pregnant women now. Producing a baby is no easy task on the body and mind, and I'm happy it's almost over.
Soon the real adventure begins....
Stay tuned =)
PS: Check out the coolest gift our BJJ professor has ordered for us!!!