If you have a daughter, sister, cousin, niece or a female friend you care about, you should read this and also allow them read, as it has the potential of saving them the heartache that comes with a wrong marital choice. And forever is too long to be unhappy.
Here are the red flags to watch out for in a man you're considering spending the rest of your life with:
A Man that is Alone
The man that is alone is one that is
without anyone or anything else : not involving or including anyone or anything else : separate from other people or things
separated from others : isolated
Why shouldn't you marry such a man that is alone?
- You cannot trace his roots.
- His accountability is questionable.
- He probably has some things to hide
- You might have to go through life alone as a couple.
Some will tell you they enjoy their solitude and privacy but there is a dictum that goes thus
one must be social lest he will be left behind in a way or other.
Life isn't meant to be lived alone.
An Unaccountable Man
Accountability is
an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions
A man who has no one he is accountable to, that you know of is a disaster walking on two legs. There should be at least 1 person in his life that should be able to call him to order in case he errs or is your guy infallible?
Accountability is a sign of being responsible. To be accountable is to be
required to explain actions or decisions to someone
required to be responsible for something
An unaccountable man is an irresponsible man. He will keep late nights without giving a damn about how you feel; he will walk away from you someday without a word. Because accountability and responsibility go hand-in-hand, you should check out who a responsible man is. A responsible man is one:
having the job or duty of dealing with or taking care of something or someone
able to be trusted to do what is right or to do the things that are expected or required
An Unforgiving Man
There's a Yoruba analogy about the tongue and the mouth. These 2 body parts are the closest, yet they fight a lot by grinding on each other. But does that stop them from working together to achieve the tasks of talking, chewing and swallowing? NO.
In marriage, you and your spouse will wrong each other 1001 times but you must be quick to forgive and move on if you don't want to live in a home that is perpetually devoid of happiness. An unforgiving man will make any and all of your mistakes to count and go on a revenge mission to ensure you pay for the consequences of your mistakes (sins).
A Hot-Tempered Man
A hot-tempered man cannot tame his emotions and this is dangerous for the safety of everyone that lives with him. So the day he's angered and feels like killing you, then you're dead.
If you cannot control your anger, you are as helpless as a city without walls, open to attack. Pro 25:28 (HSCB)
This point explains why domestic violence seems to be on the rise. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence,
On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of [some form of] physical violence by an intimate partner within their lifetime.
You don't want to add to the statistics above, do you? That's why you have to be weary of settling with one of those men who go all out to vent their anger. It is dangerous living under the same roof with such a man. He's already trying out 1-2 slaps on your face in the heat of an argument in courtship and you explain it away saying you caused it, my dear, the time to walk away is now.
A proud man
A proud man is a man
having or showing the attitude of people who think that they are better or more important than others : having or showing too much pride
Just like a person with body odour (bromhidrosis), a proud man is the last to know he is proud. William Hazzlitt has got this to say about pride:
pride erects a little kingdom of its own and acts as sovereign in it.
The danger in marrying a proud man is that he can't swallow his pride and admit he is wrong. Living with such a man will make you forever play the victim and always be at the mercy of His Royal Highness. Life revolves around a proud man and such men are often self-centered.
An insecure man
You should see the definition of the adjective insecure:
not confident about yourself or your ability to do things well :nervous and uncomfortable
not certain to continue or be successful for a long time
A man's insecureness has got nothing to do with your being in the picture. Of his own, he lacks confidence in his ability to succeed. This negatively affects your relationship cos he sees your attempts to succeed as a threat to his person and as such, he will fight your success. Such a man expects the worst of you and never the best.
An insecure man will suppress you and cover your glory. You can't live your big dreams living with such a man because he is too afraid to watch you live your dreams. If he has his way, he wouldn't allow you take on another degree or that job that will give you a higher pay than his.
With an insecure man, you both are in an unhealthy competition whether you know it or not. He will do any and everything to assert that he is the man (your head). If you do not want to live a subservient life for the rest of your life, please don't marry an insecure man.
A man without a vision
This doesn't mean he should have all the answers, but let him have an idea of where he thinks he is headed. If he doesn't know what life holds for him, you both will only grope in the dark like the blind for the rest of your lives. You can only help a man whose direction and destination you have an idea of.
A man that lacks integrity
what is his street credibility? If he's consistently in debt and doesn't repay his debts to his friends, colleagues, family, he will land you in trouble someday. To what extent can you vouch for him?
A man you cannot trust is not worthy of your heart. Trust is built over time so don't be in a hurry to say the extent to which you can vouch for him just yet. Besides, human beings evolve with time.
A man whose sense judgment you can't trust
Marriage isn't meant for babies. Marriage is hard work and one that requires that you make myriads of decisions ranging from, financial, career, location, investment, to educational (for your children). If then, you don't trust his decision, you will always have to bicker over the minutest detail. It's only a matter of time before your home becomes a battle field where the Titans always clash.
It is difficult to submit to a man whose judgment you don't trust. In the face of a dicey situation, he should be your first point of call. Be sure to say yes to a wise man whose judgment you can trust to certain extent.
An ingrate
An ingrate is
a person who does not show proper appreciation or thanks for something.
If you marry an ingrate, you'll spend the rest of your life trying to please a man who trivializes your efforts. Ingratitude from your significant other saps you of your energy because no matter how hard you try to go the extra mile, it will never be enough for such a man.
A man without God
I know there are people on this platform who might not believe in the existence of God. If you do believe in the existence of God, then you shouldn't settle for a man who doesn't. I've personally seen God come through for us in my marriage when my husband and I called out to Him and i could only imagine if we didn't have God to run to in those situations.
God is the giver of every good and perfect gift.
If he doesn't believe in God, be sure his conscience is in place to prick him when he errs.
Image Source
Definitions in the post were from Merriam Webster Dictionary
Thank you for taking out time to read this. You can check out other posts by me 