"The world is still in place. I am still alive. I had to be in order to save you from the pain and you needed to find that reason. I was not dead after all. You have to remember that. You have to remember who holds the power. I do."
I had that moment again. It was the same thing all the time. I was going to wake up and it would be all been a dream. It had to be a dream. There was no way that the man I love was in the corner of my office, staring at me with his beautiful eyes while holding the ring that I had always wanted to wear. He had died. I couldn’t have dreamed him being here.
A long time ago I should had to say that to myself. There was no other logical reasoning. It was just a dream. The reality of the situation was that Tyler was dead. He was a part of my life, but I knew of the facts. It was part of life. He was gone. I closed my eyes and then they were opened. It remained real and he was there when I opened them. He was there.
“You are not dead,” he said.
“I tried to wake up and you are not there. You can’t be here.”
“Jess,” he said. “I am here. There is something I have to tell you.”
“Tyler,” I said. “I am trying to wake up from this dream. I know that is what this is. This can’t be real.”
“You are thinking too much. You are stuck in your trance of grief. You came so close to taking my place and you almost did, especially after the accident. You almost thought that you would be better alone,” he said.
“That was before I realized that I needed you. I needed you with me all the time. My world is not complete without you. It would be empty. It would be dark. If I could not have you, then no one could. That is what I learned,” he told me.
“No, Tyler, you are not here. You are still dead. I know you are. You wouldn’t say these things if you were still alive.”
“Jess,” he said. “What I have to say will help you. I need you to listen to me.”
“What does it matter, Tyler? You are dead. I need to wake up. It has all been a dream.”
“No, Jess. I am telling you the truth. You have to listen to me. You have to believe me.”
“Who are you, Tyler?” I asked.
“Yes, Jess,” he said. “Who I am is important. You are wondering if my appearance means that I am an angel or a monster. I can assure you that I am neither a monster nor an angel.”
“Who are you?” I demanded again.
“You know who I am, Jess. You were dreaming of me when the accident happened and I couldn’t let that happen. Not because I did not want you to suffer, but it is because I could no longer live if I lost you,” he said.
“No, you are not Tyler. You are not being real. You are not him. You can’t be,” I said.
“Yes, I am. Look at it from a different perspective. Our relationship was pulled out of the mold of what was normal. You and me were destiny. You would never have found the love that you have found with me if you didn’t. That is exactly what happened in the accident. You still barely made it. You were close to living. You wanted to stay in your cocoon. You wanted to hold and protect that memory,” he told me.
“No, Tyler, there is no way,” I said.
“Jess, take a look at yourself. For the first time in a long time, you are not in a trance of grief. You are excited. You are happy,” he said.
“Yes, like I am completely insane. How can I feel like this?” I asked.
“Yes, insane. Insane in the most marvelous way. I am here for you, Jess. But there is one question you must answer. How long have you been in love with me?”
“Tyler, you have to get out. Get out of my office, now,” I insisted.
“You are the one who is crazy, Jess. You are the one who still believes in the world. You are the one who still has the hope and the faith to hold on to. You are the one who still wants to live. I am here. I will do all I can to help you,” he said.
“This is real, Tyler. You are dead. Get out,” I said.
“I can not. I am here and I needed you to realize that. You are the key to your redemption. You are the one who has to decide what happens next. We are in a situation that is good and bad. We have a chance and yet it is a chance. You need to understand that. You need to have faith. You trust that that we will find a way out of this situation. You trust that that we will make it. You trust that I will live again,” he said.
“Dream on, Tyler.”
“No, Jess. It is reality. I am here and I am alive. I loved you before I died. I love you still. I believed in you before I died. I believe in you still. That is what I wanted you to realize. That is what I wanted you to remember. The truth. It is right here with you,” he told me.
“Tyler,” I asked. “What are you telling me?”
“You are the one who did this. You are the one who decided the path that we would take if you lived or died. You are the one who had to make that decision. I believe in you. I want you to be happy. I love you. It is your decision. Whatever happens next is your doing. It is your choice. You know who you are. You know who you are. You know what you are doing. You know who you are,” he said.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“I am your salvation and you are the salvation of your love. You are my serenity and you are the serenity of your love. You are my hope and you are the hope of your love. Do you understand?” he said.
“Yes, Tyler.”
“Do you believe me?” he asked.
“Yes, Tyler.”
“May I ask you to sacrifice all to me?” he asked.
“Sacrifice? You are far from a sacrifice. You are not the sacrifice. I can not sacrifice all that I am. That is how I see myself. I will never do that. Can you make this not be real?” I asked.
“It is real. It will be real because I need you to remember it. Remember your love. Remember how strong it is. How it is.”
“Yes, Tyler.”
“Is that all you have to say, sweetheart?” he asked.
“No,” I said.
“What do you have to say?” he asked.
“I have to tell you something,” I said.
“Yes, tell me,” he said.
“You are not him. You are not Tyler. You can not be him,” I said.
“I was not him to you. I never was,” he said.
“Yes, but he was real. You are not real. That is as real as it gets,” I said.
“Jess, the necklace that you gave to me was a promise. It is a promise of love. It is a promise that you will love me in the afterlife.
