They say some things are just too twisted, too wrong, too scary, to control. Those words describe me. What they can't say, is that I am greedy. I want more power than the average shinigami.
It may not seem like much, but it is me and I like to think that I am special. I know I am. No one else has what I do. No one thinks like I can. No one can do a thing that I can't, and that makes me stand out.
I know what I am capable of, yes, but I also want to know what others are capable of. I want to know if they can surpass me. I want to know what they can do that I can't. I want them to know it and sense it, as a driving force that pushes them, something that pushes them to me and then to the world.
I want to be able to find and master a new soul. I need a soul. Without one I can't rest. In fact, I haven't really slept at all in the past several years because I am so worried about this. I want a soul.
I know of two shinigami that are not here anymore. I know of the yama that eliminated the fourth division. I know of the yama that was sent to aid the fifth division with the Shihoin boy. I know of the captain of the second division. The three of them – if only I could get their souls.
I like to think of the man who eliminated a whole division as my best quarry. He has the power to kill a multitude of men, the power to turn them into nothing but a stain on the ground. He is a dangerous soul, one of the most powerful. He has the power to kill everything, to destroy everything, to make it all fall.
I remember when the yama eliminated the fourth division. He was a different kind of person, one who could never be subdued. He was one of the greatest threats to my well being.
I tore my hair out, screamed and cried. I cried because I was alone. I cried because I couldn't defeat him. I cried because I thought my life would be devoid of meaning. I cried because I knew he would come for me.
I know that I am the one being hunted at the moment. It is only a matter of time before he comes. I am ready for it, but I have to have a soul. I can't give up yet. There is always hope.
When the fifth division was dealing with that boy, I knew he was very powerful. I knew if the girl hadn't appeared, I probably wouldn't have been able to beat him because he was a blind opponent. He couldn't face me hands on but he knew how to use the environment to cut me down.
He could tell where I was as though he saw me. He could see through any cover I put up. He could pierce every barrier. He even knew what I was going to do before I did.
His soul was one without a doubt. It was one I needed. It was one I had to have and the fact that I couldn't get it, made it even better. It made it one I wanted even more. It made it one I wanted to taste. I wanted to have it so much, I could taste it.
The man of the second division, though he has never seen combat and has in fact, never even killed a person, has a soul I have never encountered. He has the power of life. He has the power over death. He could move back and forth between life and death as he pleased.
I want to taste this soul above all as well. It is one I would entwine with my own. It is one that I would welcome. It is one I would control. It is one I would call mine.
I know the power of these three. I always will. I know that in their souls is the raw strength and the strength of the ones I will take. And I always will take them.
