Is it just me or is it something that is actually common factor for all generations?
I don’t belong, I don’t want to belong. My way of life is something that differs a lot from life my parents are living, and one they wanted me to have. I am some what black sheep of my family. Things that I highly value are things my parents gave away a long time ago. Things my parents and grandparents values are poison to me. Am I social anarchist ?
The topic is actually something 
There is always been something seriously wrong with me. Maybe my parents toss me in the air three times when I was a baby, and took catch only twice. Or maybe I was born this way. It could have been also environment, who the hell knows! I was extremely soft as kid. Not just because I was fat, but also my mind was soft. I was bullied, but aren’t all kids? That is something children do, bully each others. I don’t think that is necessary a bad thing. The world is tough place, like animals teach their cubs to hunt and survive in nature through a play, also human kids do the same. Or try to do.
And now, before somebody gets even more butt hurt as they already are, I don’t think bullying is okay. Or do I ? You never know! I’m just saying that it is something that occur in nature so it must ne natural.
I knew from early on that my mind worked a little differently than my friends. Yeah, I was bullied, but it only made me stronger through time. I personally consider it as success of some kind. There was tough times a head, so world prepared me to handle those times. Times called life. At the time I didn’t think this way though. I felt misfit, and weird. I was afraid I would die alone because I didn’t find anyone who fitted together with my thoughts. So I tried to change my self. Tried to be social, happy everything you consider teenage girl to be. And a long time I managed to fake it, I even believed my own lie, that well I played my role. My personal fear of misfitting was so enormous that I faked my life years!
From faking we get to the breaking points. I started to wander. At the time nobody knew the truth about my escapes from life. My family and friends considered me as independent and brave. Person who wasn’t afraid of new challenges, but it was only half truth. I wasn’t coping anymore. I felt urge to vanish, start again, be someone else. Be the actual person who I really was. Time wandering and being alone treated me well, my character grow stronger and my fears fade away after accepting my self.
It is almost funny that it took so much time from me to be accepted by me. I always tried to be something people thought I was, what they wanted me to be. Person who I really were wasn’t too nice, maybe that was the reason even I didn’t accept it.
I can’t remember when was the last time I missed someone. I know when there is time I should be missing people, and I still often tell them I miss them, but the truth is I don’t feel longing. Not for other people I don’t. I might miss things that used to benefit me. But people are just currency for me. Somebody is valuable and others just nickels. For those who are valuable to me, let’s take example 
Lol, apparently in Steemit. For example. Internet is playground of misfits. The place we all socially awkward people can be social with our own terms. Place we can find people with similar interest and point of views. Place to fit in.
It’s not always that we misfits are socially handicapped, for me it is usually more about the company that matters. I feel like I don’t belong in crowd and I start to feel anxious when I don’t fit. But for some reason I don’t feel anxious at all to meet up my fellow steemians, people I really don’t even know. People who are just usernames that type freakishly a lot. Some of us are almost familiar, as we have heard each others voices, or we know each others birth names. But when you objectively examine this situation, we are just randoms for each others. Why do I still feel that I belong more than I feel belonging in ”real” world?
This all started from conversation with
I was raised to respect my elder, but why? Do I need to respect someone just because they managed to stay alive longer than me? Is that really a good reason?
Our family wants what is best for us.
Actually no.
Our family wants what they think would be best for us. But does someone else really know what is best for you? I respect my parents highly, with in some things, others I couldn’t disagree more. I do things they consider disrespectful but my mind is set otherwise. My respect is something you need to earn. And that is hard, I’m awfully judgmental person.
My respect for someone is the most valuable thing I can give. Is this misbehaving, if I don’t respect age old habit of respecting elders? Again am I being social anarchist about it? Someone earned my respect today. Not by kissing my ass, or agreeing with me. No. Someone stud up against me. Demanded me to explain my opinions and acts, didn’t adopt my thoughts without questioning. We might not still agree, but that someone earned my respect.
My opinions are like knives, sharp, pointy, and slicing fast! It takes quite a lot from person to start a fight with me. I rarely fight with a person, only opinions and point of views fight against each other. Maybe the person was brave, maybe suicidal, but it doesn’t matter, there is enough woman in me to tell when someone is doing good job. This little misfit did as I secretly hoped, stud up when felted that it was right thing to do. Isn’t it something we all should do?
I hate everything community based, even word community makes me nauseous. But does individuals standing against normative norms form community? Community of misfits. Individuals with different stories who want to live their life despising things they should do, and doing something they believe in. All generations are generations of misfits, in their own time kind of. Our parents wants to deny it, but also them stud up against ”normality” of their time and made their decisions.
