If you know me a one bit you know I’m somewhat control freak. Of my own life of course. Couldn’t care a dime about others. The worst thing for me is when there is nothing I can do about how things are. The absolutely worst punish there is for me when I’m kept in ignorance. Waiting is ignorance for me. Waiting something to hold on, something concrete, something I can start make plans on, the base.
I’ve waited that base the past week. Waiting makes me cranky, so there is also reason why haven’t I being posting, nobody likes me when I’m cranky, I myself the least. I’ve waited to get contract which includes the details of my future. Before that I can’t do anything. Just some mild ”maybe”-kind of plans like
@eveuncovered will you adopt my plants for a while if I don’t get apartment immediately?
Tho, that is high risk, even more than this whole idiotic plan to move to Helsinki. She will never gonna give them back to me…
I think I have ranted about control before, not sure was it in Steemit or just in the everyday conversation with Eve, this is something I rant a quite a bit about. But having control is important for me. No matter what. I don’t ever what to lose it. That is also a reason why I don’t drink that much and I have past out only once during my life, that was a wake up call for me. I hated the feeling not knowing what had happened, what had I said or done. After that one time in year 2008 I haven’t had a blank spot in my memory and I hope there never will be.
For me control is also taking responsibility of your own actions. I just can’t get my head around the thoughts like ”go with the flow” or ”In God we trust, he will decide my faith”. NO. Only I can make the decisions and only I can be blamed about those decisions. For me there is no higher power than me doing stuff. Of course there might be some luck involved but that has nothing to do with the decisions.
The universe can unlock some doors for you, but you have to make the decision if you will enter or not.
Taking an opportunity isn’t something that can be taken for granted. Life gives constantly opportunity’s but it takes some character to actually walk through that door. In both good and bad. I’ve made some really drastic decisions in my life, so this isn’t really the first time nor new to me. I know what it takes, my inner circle knows what it takes. Not like they enjoy from it though…
Every ”stupid” decision I have ever made has turn out to be best time of my life so far. Yes, it is stressful. Yes, it cuts people out of your life. Yes, it is a bit stupid and it definitely is risky, but it also forces you to grow as a person. That is something that ”going with the flow” or ”in God we trust” doesn’t do.
Possibilities
The biggest reason for me to move and mess my life yet again isn’t really the job I got. That is only excuse I needed to make this everything happen. Something I can say to people when they get all nosy and ask why am I going through this again. It is so much easier than come up reasons why did I need better possibilities in my life. I got better job offer and TA DAA everyone is fine with that reason. It makes sense. If I started to ramble about I needed to have possibilities and felt like I was suffocating and how I need to grow as a person - people would just call to the loonie to come and get me.
Leaving a good life for reason - Just felt that needed to be done - Doesn’t make sense to people.
The universe unlocks doors, but you need to be one testing which ones opens. I get it that people can feel happy when they feel like they have conquered it all, but for me, that is hell. The generation before me, like the generation of my parents, they saw steady job, paid mortgage and summer cabin as a grand prize. Something they worked for and when they finally achieved it they considered it as a victory. Living happily their life with their dream prize. The fact that everything is done, and that I’d had learned everything to be learned horrifies me. I need to be constantly learning, constantly moving ahead. I’m not just a digital nomad in spirit. I’ve been possessed by digital gypsy.