I don’t know should I be honored about concerns of people or a little offended that people know me so little, to be honest, I haven’t decided yet. In this past month or so i’ve received some weird questions because of my apparently weird behavior. I have just laughed to these queries and carried on.
I want to share some of these assumptions with you and thoughts about them. I’ve asked people who made the assumptions what made them think that way and I got some hilarious explanations!
[Assumption 1 Suicide]
I saw you left Facebook, please don’t do anything stupid….
Really? I mean REALLY!? I abandoned platform I never use, and now you think I’m going to commit suicide? I have several reasons why I left but sadly none of those are suicide plans. I got tired of people lurking my life, even if I didn’t post anything there in years (?).
I’m aware that leaving Facebook and instagram and all the mainstream social media platforms like that is like committing social suicide, but really, I don’t mind. I have interesting people in my life without Facebook, and I stay in touch with people I want to stay in touch without it.
If I want to know how are you doing, I’m going to ASK you about it, not just lurking your posts and hitting thumps up every now and then.
[Assumption 2 Depression]
Are you depressed because Eve quit her job, wanna talk about it?
Yes, another reason to kill my self. My best friend quit her job and now I see her only….DAILY! I know we were quite a trouble twins back our workplace. Making a lot of noise and messing peoples heads but no, I’m not depressed. We have known each other longer than I like to admit (no offence) and the fact is we talk daily, with or without joint work.
I hate that she left me there alone, mostly because nobody else gets my such intellectual jokes and puns, but Eve is one of the rare people I’m actually happy for that she got out from restaurant business.
[Assumption 3 Burnout]
What happened to your writing? Are having burnout?
Yes. That is the reason. I’m exhausted because of my work and now I can’t even write anymore. Or was it that? OH! No, it wasn’t. English is my second language and I miss spell, a lot. But here is news flash for you, I do it a lot also with my native language. My writing skills have improved tremendously thanks to writing on Steemit, but still, English is my second language and it’s not perfect nor ever will be.
People are giving a lot shit for me about my typos, and I don’t actually mind. I just love you, you little grammar naziz! I fail to use articles most of the time, but I’m working on it! Don’t slaughter me yet!
And yes, i've tried burnout, TWICE. I know how that makes me and what kind of symptoms that gives for me. Miss spells aren’t one.
[Assumption 4 Secret lover]
What’s your hurry? Do you have secret boyfriend in the city?
This one is my mom. Every time I visit my parents house I have a schedule, sometimes it is because I have appointment with personal trainer or something, sometimes it is because I need/want to work something on steemit. I’m millennial, my phone is literally grown attached on my hand. So I do a lot of my steeming and chatting with my phone and because I’m stupid I also laugh at my phone. This is the reason my mother thinks I have secret boyfriend I’m not willing to talk about. And there kinda is, Steemit<3
The assumption that only some man could make me smile every once and a while is though absurd. Sorry mom, still single, and happy that way!
And yes, I’m often in ”hurry” but that is mostly because even if I love my family, I hate the fact that they are, well my mom is nosy as fuck. And uncrowned Queen of assumptions. The funny part is, that she actually thinks she is right about every assumption. Apparently my secret boyfriend is so secret that even I don’t know about him. Is this a scam?!
[Assumption 5 An eating disorder]
OMG What happened to you?! You have wasted away! Do you have an eating disorder?!
FACEPALM
YES! Let’s go with that one. An eating disorder.
FACEPALM AGAIN
Okay, I’ve made some serious changes in my life in past year. And yes, I lost a lot of weight. Intentionally! But am I like dying squirrel ? No, I’m not! I’ve lost more than 30% of my bodyweight in less than a year, but not by accident. These people who come to me talking about an eating disorder are the ones that have known me years and they also know I’ve been living in gym past year. I realize that the transformation have been drastic, but an eating disorder? Why wasn’t anybody concerned about my eating habits when I was a whale? And not the good kind of whale like you’d be here in platform but like a swamp monster kind of whale.
Every time people come to me bemoaning how have I changed and if I’m alright, I want to slap them in their faces with the definition of an eating disorder.
Any of a range of psychological disorders characterized by abnormal or disturbed eating habits
That doesn’t mean only that you eat too little. It means that your eating habits are disturbed. You know, like eating too much, eating and then throwing up… Starting of habit eating healthy isn’t a fucking disorder!
Okay, I have a bad habit of living drinking only coffee and having a protein bars, but that is because I’m fucking lazy, not because I’m sick. There is difference there you know…
[Assumption 6 Lesbian]
I heard you use to live with a girl, and you have no husband nor boyfriend, are you gay?
Ever heard about thing called a roommate? I know! It is fairly shocking and new thing in year 2018… You usually get one or several of those when you want to decrease your living experiences while studying or stuff.
And what is the thing with not able to be straight without having a partner who is opposite sex? Single girl just can’t be straight? I have secret for you, I don’t really like people… That is the reason I’m single, because I want to be. I like that I don’t have to take anyone else’s feelings or schedules into account. My own feelings and schedules are handful enough! I’m also terribly selfish and extremely picky.
I think I’m just making a favor for the universe by staying a single. But hey, If you ever feel like your self-esteem is too high, I’m extremely happy to fix that for you!
Round 2 ?
These 6 assumptions were just a drop in the ocean. There is a lot more where those came from. I get a lot weird questions from people. People I know and they should know me, and also from random people. There might be also part two coming up because of that. Here is a few more questions I have got and these all are legit questions, I know when people are kidding and when they are serious. These are the serious ones…
-Are you satan worshipper?
-Do you have mental illness?
-Do you use drugs?
Assumptions can be dangerous and offending though. I find these funny, mostly because I see what made people think these, but also because I fail to understand what really was the logical deduction path that made people reconstruct these assumptions. Some are more logical than others, of course. But every now and then I just want to ask people what the actual FUCK?!
I’ve learned that Occam's razor is often working theory.
when presented with competing hypothetical answers to a problem, one should select the answer that makes the fewest assumptions.
As in, the simplest answer is usually the correct one.
But I just can’t help myself, I find these assumptions about me and my life to be extremely funny and amusing.