The weird thing about that kind of childhood trauma is, in a way, it seems "normal" when you're going through it. The hard part comes later as you discover it wasn't normal and then you have to find ways to heal so you don't continue the cycle. I think your wife is right, generational trauma is real. This might seem like a stretch but I think there's past trauma at the DNA level from ancestors we've never even met. There were definitely many more good memories than bad in our case. We were just kind of figuring out everything together. My dad made some good strides in communication the last decade of his life but would have benefited greatly from on-going talk therapy and maybe some psychedelic medicine. The psychedelics have been shown to actually rewire your brain to help you heal. I'm glad your parents grew closer! That's a challenge, I'm sure, while you're raising children...mainly because of the lack of time.