I think in family relationships that last a lifetime, there are phases of helping and being helped. The roles alternate, in my experience, but probably the perception does not necessarily correspond.
You have had quite an impressive life, marked by things that many people probably say they are afraid of: Alcohol addiction, drugs, attempted suicide, homelessness. The old saying applies here: What doesn't kill you makes you strong. Surviving trauma and dealing with it afterwards, based on self-reflection and intention to heal, seizes difficult experiences in retrospect as an opportunity, thus reframing the events in its positive qualities. I find it takes a long time, is a journey with many doubts and any present illumination of a past experience can also easily slide into a new difficult direction.

I like your kind attitude towards life and people, which I think I see and always have shared. I have let the past year and a half take me away from that and I want to get back to it. This event is causing me some fears that I would rather not have the task of overcoming. Sigh. But I know that time is my friend and I just need something to venture back into the company of people I don't know how they will react with the courage I once had. Did I wish for excitement? I hope not.

Thank you for your openness. I appreciate it very much.

<3