How far I am willing to go, I don't know. Feeling wronged is always a very personal matter. When I say, "here I stand and I can't help it", that corresponds to my authentic feeling. My record so far is that I resisted the measures adopted, not because I saw a choice, but because my mental supreme commanded me to do so on the one hand, and the physical reactions to the measures adopted on the other.

Now, one could say that physical stress reactions are a sign of mental weakness and fear. And they probably are. I relate this fear to unremembered as well as remembered early childhood dangers and the patterns and strategies for my life that were formed from them. I also relate it to my family history, as I am the child of refugees and prisoners in direct descent.

Another reason for my rejection is that I consciously entered into experiences that ran counter to what has generally been spread about panic. People test out whether a situation can really be considered as dangerous as they have been told for the last year. I am someone who wants to check this out. I did. I had close contact with strangers, a woman on a park bench offered me to drink from her beer bottle last summer and we laughed about the "dangerousness" of the whole thing. And so on.

Whether I'm waiting for a court order or police to force me to get vaccinated is a good question, as I said. I suppose I'll get to a point where I'll give in. Call it pride or stubbornness, call it self-torturing. If I have to surrender, I don't want to tell myself afterwards that I didn't try everything to maintain my dignity. That's what matters to me in the end.

However, my text hinted at whether I would not have been able to preserve this dignity at an earlier stage. That is, to accept the measures and still not consider myself despicable. But rather to recognise the limits of what is bearable and not to see self-love as sacrificed for that reason.

Humans have so many different shades in that manner.