She hates it when she wakes up with a start in the middle of her dark, silent bedroom. She hates it more when she wakes up and she can't breathe. She'll check the time - it's just a few minutes after 2 am. Her head is spinning and her heart is racing.
She'll try to calm herself from... from something she doesn't even know. She'll look around blindly, toss, then turn. Then try to control her inhales and exhales. Still, she can't breathe. It's as if she's drowning - sinking, then buoying to the surface just for a quick suck of air. Finally, when everything else fails, she stands up and opens her bedroom window. She knows sleep will completely leave if she does this (what is sleep anyway?), but she's rendered with no choice.
She pokes her head through the open window. Then takes a deep, deep breath.
Many nights, I'd suddenly have these bad panic attacks with which their causes I couldn't fully figure out. Sometimes, they happened when I was already asleep, so I'd end up waking up, scared because I couldn't breathe. I knew it was getting bad when I started to get dizzy.
This piece is a representation of trying to get out of it. Managing to control myself every time panic attacks happen feels like pulling myself out of the ocean (I'm scared of the ocean, by the way).
A Deep Breath has been an ongoing artwork since January. It ended up in the farthest recesses of my MediBang gallery after I couldn't figure out how to proceed. Taking a break from it seemed like the perfect decision, as I wind up altering some parts.
The GIF following this post shows just how much I changed things around. As usual, I drew everything in MediBang and polished the final image in Photoshop.
Below are some close ups. I recycled the sunflower drawing I did because I was getting impatient. Hahaha. :P
I really had fun with the fish, though. I can still distinctly remember the experience, even when I painted it 2 months ago. I was really, really tempted to retain wisps of smoke-y elements, but I suck a them and I couldn't make it work.
This piece is minted on @NFTShowroom in 2 editions. You can find it in this link.
And there you have it! I'm happy to finally complete this one after two months. I still have a few other ongoing pieces. I guess I'll work on them first before creating a new one. :)
