Confidence is a tool we live by each and everyday but we always have that one thing we fear. What’s your biggest fear? And what have you been doing to overcome it?
I believe many people have fears, but the one that stayed with me is opening up and getting hurt. Anyone who has truly felt pain from trusting the wrong person know how deep it is.
It came from moments when I allowed myself to believe and I convinced myself that this person is different. And then one way or another, something happened that left me feeling foolish.
Fear tends to settle in, you begin to change in the way you think and behave and you start expecting disappointment when even nothing is wrong. You start keeping yourself locked away.
Whenever I'm hurt or something, I would always say I was fine. When I needed help, I should say I could handle it. I was always quiet because I was scared of bring misunderstood or even used.
I started keeping everything inside, I smiled on the outside even when I was not okay on the inside. I began convincing myself that I didn't need anybody. It felt safer.
But the truth is that fear can destroy you. You think you are protecting yourself but you are also blocking yourself from peace and also living inside a shell.
The fear of opening up is not just fear of people, it's fear of history repeating itself. Of giving someone that power to affect your emotions. It's the fear of giving someone your trust and watching them misuse it.
Everybody who fears opening up to people has a story. I mean, nobody wakes up one day and just decides to shut everyone off. Something...or someone must have pushed them.
In my case, it was betrayal and disappointments. Some people only want you when it's convenient for them. They want access to you life and by the time they leave, you are the one who is left to gather the broken pieces.
Fear will go away when you face it, not when you try to ignore it.
So I let myself trust people again. I also set boundaries. Setting boundaries so I would not repeat the same mistakes.
I choose the people I want to be in my life. Little by little, I am dropping my old habits and teaching myself better ways to handle my feelings and all.
I don't let fear control me anymore. Opening up does not mean I am foolish, I am just willing to risk getting that love again, even when life has shown me enough reasons not to.
One day, that fear is sure to go away completely. I know it.
